Queen of force
by Shelly Webster
Summary: Holly and Gail meet five years after Holly went to San Francisco. Many things in their lives changed, but are there some things that are the same?
1. Chapter 1

Holly went to San Francisco and spent almost five years working there. She met an amazing woman and after few months of dating, she married Anabel. Anabel was a police officer and they met over a case. Almost like she and Gail met. Memories of Gail haunted her for a long time, but Anabel was there and very nurturing towards her. She was patient and very good for Holly's broken heart. She never talked about Gail or anything Toronto related. If she had to compare her wife to any of the officers form the 15th she would be mostly like Chloe. Anabel was very happy, perky and she loved life. It took Holly some time to get used to it, but after dark moment she went through after leaving Toronto, she needed that energy and positivity in her life. She kept out of Canada because she believed it was best for her to be far from Toronto and the one she left behind. She talked to some of the people from there, but after some time she stopped. She never asked about Gail, especially after she started dating Anabel and they got married. Her parents were also forbidden to mention the blond. She wanted to keep her life ''Gail free''. Sometimes, she imagined Gail happy with Sophie and some other person she formed the family with. She imagined those blue eyes shining with pride when she held her daughter and wife(?) close to her. She could imagine her doing a lot of things. Sometimes, Gail Peck was a super hero in her mind.

One phone call changed Holly's life. Her mom called and told her that her father was not well. He was diagnosed with cancer and they didn't give him much time. Holly knew she has to go back and spend all the time she has with her dad. Anabel was very supportive and someone who helped Holly pick up and move to Toronto. Holly got a job as a Chief Medical Examiner. She and her wife were staying with her parents until they get an apartment for themselves. It gave Holly some more time with her dad before or after work. She was starting on Monday and her wife was starting too. She got placed to the 15th division and Holly had no idea how would that work. Her first thought was about certain blond cop that her wife will cross paths with and now she was out of her mind scared. She had no idea how should she approach the topic of Gail and should she even do it. Anabel kept her maiden name, so no one would know they were together and married. All could be fine and under wraps until she sees Gail and talks to her. Holly had such a good plan.

It was Monday morning and Gail was getting ready for work. She hated Mondays, especially ones that she had to have staff meetings. They had few huge operations going on and she loved being on top of everything. Fact that her work phone was quiet for the entire weekend made her very happy. She tightened her bun, adjusted her skirt and shirt and put on her jacket. She got new black high heels and now she was ready for the job. She was promoted a year ago and she still couldn't believe it happened. There were people in the force who had more experience than she did, but they wanted her. She was their pick and she would be damned if she said no. She glanced towards the bed. Familiar shape was under the covers and she felt relived her spouse came home at one piece. She got her things and left the house. Her driver was already in the driveway.

''Good morning Chief Superintendent.''

''Good morning Harris.''

She got into the car and her driver got in after her.

''Madam, where do we go today?''

''We go to the office first, I have to get some things in order and then we have two meetings in the afternoon. One is in the 27th division and the other in the 15th.''

''I'll make the arrangements for the parking and all.''

She got into her office and her secretary was already there with fresh coffee and her timetable for the day.

''You had a call from Staff Sargent Shaw. He said it is urgent to call him.''

''Thank you Lilly.''

Lilly left the office and Gail picked up the phone.

''Hello, Oliver. Lilly told me to call you.''

''Gail, I'm sorry to inform you, but your father has passed last night. He was found in his cell.''

''What happened?''

''Some officers are there, but we are waiting for the CME to get there. They insisted someone with a high rank handles the case.''

''Because of the fact her is my father?''

''No, because he is Peck.''

''Oh.''

''You want to go there?''

''Yes, I will be there in thirty minutes. No one touches anything or approaches him. Are we clear?!''

''Gail, I don't think…''

''Staff Sargent Shaw, that is an order!''

''Yes, Mam.''

Holly got to the prison and she was about to see the high profile body she was told she must handle personally. She saw Anabel with Chloe. Apparently she would have to rush the conversations she had pending.

''Holly, you are back…''

''Yes, and how are you Chloe?''

''I am ok.''

''So, who is the person I'm going to see?''

''Inspector William Alexander Peck.''

''Shit!''

Anabel looked at her wife.

''You know him?''

''We met.''

''Before you left?''

''Yes, I was at his house few times on Peck dinners. So, let's do this.''

She got inside and when she approached the cell, she was stopped by two officers.

''I'm sorry, but we have orders not to let anyone enter.''

''But you must let me. I am here to see the body, I am head of forensic pathology.''

''We are sorry, but you are not cleared yet.''

''Cleared by whom?''

''Me...''

Holly froze. She knew that voice. She avoided that woman for so long and the time came for them to be face to face again. She turned and faced the coldest blue eyes she has ever seen. She couldn't breathe. She froze and she could just whisper the name of the woman standing in front of her.

''Gail…''

She was taking in the woman standing in front of her. She looked beautiful, but so cold and very much like a robot. She showed no emotions. By the clothing she had, Holly could have guessed she was a white shirt now. She was in a uniform, with her hair in a perfect bun, perfect makeup and she also noticed that she had a wedding ring, an impressive ring when she thought about it. It was diamond band and the engagement ring was with a big blue sapphire. She was surprised that the name tag was Peck. If Gail was married, she wondered why she had no married name, but she didn't dare to ask. It was still difficult seeing Gail.

''Doctor Stewart walk with me.''

Gail walked towards the cell where her father's body was and Holly started following her after she got back to reality. Gail walked few steps in front of Holly and she was not turning to see where she was. She was doing her best to ignore the doctor. She stopped in front of her father's body and waited for Holly to enter. Holly opened her kit and took out her glows and all the things she needed for the first findings. By what they saw, they guessed he died in his sleep. Holly remembered Gail mentioning he had some heart problems before so it was not excluded that he died of some heart attack or something related to coronary problems. He didn't age much from what Holly remembered. He was still very handsome man. Gail stood and just watched her work.

''I am done here. I will need his medical records and all the pills he was taking.''

Gail nodded.

''Gail, why is he here?''

''That is none of your concern doctor. I am waiting for your report and information when can I claim the body. You can call my secretary and I will take care of the rest. Thank you for your service.''

She turned and left Holly stunned. _What just happened? What was going on with Gail? Who was this woman?_

Gail passed Chloe and Anabel in the hallway and continued walking towards the exit. Gail could hear Anabel's comment to Chloe about Gail.

''Is it just me, or the temperature went below zero when she came?''

Holly stood with them watching Gail leave.

''You have no idea.''

Anabel looked at her wife and asked very legit question.

''Why is she here? What brings someone of her rank in the prison? Is the dead guy someone important?''

Holly nodded.

''It's her dad.''

''Oh. That is bad.''

Chloe placed her hand on Anabel's shoulder.

''Yeah… Hell will brake loose… let me tell you.''

''Why?''

''Gail Peck doesn't do loss well.''

''Oh, what does that mean?''

''Buckle up!''

Holly had a feeling there is much more to that comment Chloe made. Body was taken and Holly went back to morgue. She started working on Bill right away. A lot of people came to peep on the work she was doing. No one could believe he was dead. Nick came a bit after she was done.

''Hey, Dr. Stewart!''

''Collins.''

''I had no idea you came back!''

''My first day.''

He looked at the body and back at Holly.

''Wow! What a first day!''

''Tell me about it!''

''Did you…?''

''Get to see her?''

Nick nodded.

''Yes, I did. Temperature dropped below zero all of the sudden.''

Nick had sad face.

''This will hurt her a lot. Even if she doesn't want to admit.''

''What happened Nick?''

''You left…''

''That can't be the excuse. She is still angry at me?''

''You leaving just started the things… A lot of shit happened.''

''Care to tell me?''

''Sure!''

They met in a small café not to far from the station. Nick was waiting for her at the table. She took a seat and ordered a beer for herself too.

''So, start the story…''

He scratched his head.

''Where to start from?''

Holly noticed his wedding ring.

''You are married?''

''Yes, I am.''

He didn't look happy.

''Why so sad? Is your marriage ok?''

''I am not sure how to answer that.''

''Why?''

''My wife is very specific person and the situation is not the best at the time.''

''Why do you say that?''

''She married me out of despair… We hit the bottom and just tied the knot. She doesn't love me, I remind her of all the failures in her life.''

''How do you know? Maybe she loves you?''

''I am married to Gail.''

Holly opened her mouth to say something, but no words could get out.


	2. Chapter 2

Holly got home and just slipped into the shower. She couldn't believe what she heard. Gail, her Gail was married to Nick! She married him of all the people. She didn't get the whole story because she just picked up her bag and left the café after he told her he was Gail's husband. She cried in the shower and felt all sorts of emotions. She was angry, sad, scared, worried, curious and frightened of how would she explain it all to her wife. When she got out, Anabel was already in bed. She was reading a book and waiting for Holly. Holly slipped into bed and wished her wife good night. She couldn't sleep. She couldn't get Gail out of her head and the information she had. She was married, on very high position and something happened to her. She remembered not seeing Steve in prison or even Gail's mother. She would have to ask someone about it. Her mind wondered to Tracy and Oliver. They would tell her what was happening.

Gail got home and locked herself into the study. She had a lot to do. She sent emails to the florist and catering she often used for the receptions in the house. They responded right away confirming they could do what she asked of them. They knew better than to say no. She was one of the best clients they had and saying no to her was almost as going out of business. She called some of her parent's friends. Even the ones who didn't speak to them anymore. They had to know Bill was dead. It took her few hours to sort things out. She arranged all she had and finally was ready to go to bed. Gail was also tossing and turning in her bed. She was not in the mood to deal with the world. Nick came home later than usual, but she didn't care. She stopped caring long time ago.

''Are you hungry Gail? I was thinking of making something.''

''No, I am ok.''

''When did you eat last time?''

''I don't know.''

''You have to eat.''

''No, I don't.''

''Gail…''

''Nickolas! Go and eat if you are hungry. I am going to sleep.''

He got off the bed and went downstairs. He made a sandwich and opened a beer. He spent some time watching TV and thinking about what will happen now that Holly is back. How will things with Gail go after it. He knew his wife didn't love him. He didn't love her either, but they held on to each other. Was it the pain or the feeling of being powerless, he was not sure, but he knew they could do much better than now. They are stuck in this pain and emptiness for at least two years. Ever since… NO! He made promise to himself that he will not go there. He couldn't, not tonight. Some other day he would let his mind wonder, bit not tonight. Instead of thinking about the forbidden topic, his mind went to Holly. He knew she was married, even if she didn't mention it. He met her wife today. He wondered if Gail knew about the wife and Holly's life. But after few moments, he realized Gail knew. She had to know. She was the one to sigh Holly's work permits and all the paperwork related to her wife's transfer. How hard it must have been for her. How does it feel to do something like that for the wife of someone who is love of your life? He couldn't imagine doing something like that. But then, he didn't have love of his life. He never loved another person that much to call it that way. He loved Gail, he loved Andy, but nothing was that breath taking and strong, nothing but Juliet. She broke his heart. She left the city after her work was done and the Pecks were behind the bars. She forgot about him and the thing they had. She left like he meant nothing. After all the time they spent together, she just picked up and left. He and Gail found that in common. They were not good enough for their lovers to stay. They were trash, no one wanted them. That is how he and Gail ended in bars and then married in some sleazy place. God, they were smarter at nineteen than they are now. They got married and they tried to live a normal life. They held on to each other for so long. They got their glimpse of hope and good and it was lost. He was so broken after that. He took of another tour in Afghanistan and she…she went undercover. They barely spent any time together when they were at home…then they became even bigger strangers than they ever believed they could be. It was two in the morning when he got to bedroom. Gail was asleep. He stood at the door just looking at her. Her body was tiny in that huge bed and she was sleeping on the edge. He was fascinated how that big bad was too small for them. It was too small for years. Since they got back home and she got promoted. He changed and got to bed. Sleep took over soon.

In the morning Gail woke up at six. She made sure not to wake Nick up. She went to the kitchen to make coffee and see what she needs to get for the rest of the day. It all had to be perfect. She took a long shower and went to get dressed. She picked nice black dress pearls and perfect pair of shoes. Out of the part of closet she kept some of her patent's things, she got something for her mother, Steve and her father's uniform. It was not taken from him and he was not stripped of his rank. She will bury him as a captain. It still smelled of him. She was getting into her dress when Nick came into the closet.

''You are already up?''

''Yes, I have so much to do today. I have to get Steve and Elaine out for the funeral, I have to get Bill's uniform for them to get him ready and place him into his casket. I have so much to do.''

''And what can I do?''

''Go to prison and get my… Get Steve and Elaine.''

''Ok. And when should we be at the graveyard?''

''At noon.''

''Ok.''

Nick got ready.

''When I pick them up, what should I do?''

''Bring them to the morgue, so we can claim his body and continue all this. Lilly got the catering and all ready and some of their staff will deal with the reception. I gave Joe orders how to arrange the house and flowers when they come. I must go now. I must finish somethings and then I will see you with Elaine and Steve in the morgue. ''

''Ok. Gail. See you later.''

He knew better than to argue with her. He did what his wife asked him to do. He got to the prison and he picked Steve up first. He was really heartbroken over his father's death. He got dressed in silence and he didn't know what to say to Nick. He wanted to know how Gail was, but something gave him an impression that Nick is not the person to ask.

''Nick…''

''I have no idea. She behaves like it's one more work thing. She got up, got a perfect dress, pearls, got her hair done and she is giving orders.''

''She really turned into our mother.''

Nick nodded.

''I fear she is worse than your mom.''

''What?''

''Ever since...you know… She is cold, she closed off. She is just a machine. She is CS Peck and nothing more.''

''Must be fun in the bedroom.''

''What bedroom? She and I… Not since it happened.''

''It has been years Nick…''

''I know. But she still doesn't talk about it.''

Holly was in the morgue when Nick came with Steve and Eleine. They looked different to her. Superintendent Peck looked older and a bit tired, but still beautiful and Steve, he looked tired. He held her mother's hand when they were walking towards the table where Bill was.

''You are back Dr. Stewart.''

''I am. My father is ill.''

''Oh, I am sorry to hear that.''

''I am sorry for your loss too.''

''Thank you.''

Gail got in with things for Bill.

''I got him his uniform and got everything else in the bag. They can dress him.''

''Did you bring his glows too?''

''Yes mother. We can put them in the pocket.''

Gail placed her bags on the table in the corner and out of her purse she got a small bag. She came to her mother and took her left hand. Holly noticed that Gail put there her rings. She wondered why Mrs. Peck didn't have them. She remembered them being always on her ring finger. Beautiful emerald and diamonds that Bill got her for their first anniversary were on her hand for over thirty years. She looked at her hand and than at Gail.

''I believed you would want them.''

''Yes, yes…''

She was turning away when her mother stopped her.

''And his?''

Gail got his wedding ring from the bag too.

''You want him to be buried with it?''

''No, they will steal it… I want it with me today…''

''Ok…''

She placed it on a safety pin inside of her suit jacket and fixed her hair.

''I am ready when he is.''

Gail turned toward Holly.

''Dr. Stewart, can we take my father's body? Funeral is at noon. We don't have much time.''

''Sure Gail, just after one of you….''

Holly offered the form and Gail signed.

''Ok, we are ready. Nickolas, take my mother to the car and I will give instructions to the funeral home.''

Before they left the morgue, Elaine turned towards Holly.

''Dr. Stewart, I am sorry you didn't come back earlier.''

And with these words she left. Holly had to go to the funeral. Something was telling her that she has to be there. She took the rest of the day off and went to first nice store and got a nice dress and shoes just to look presentable. She called her mom and told her that she doesn't know when she would be home.

''Holly, what is happening?''

''Gail's dad died. Funeral is today.''

''Oh, honey. How is she?''

''Not Gail. I have no idea who that woman is.''

''Holly, be careful. Don't play with fire! You are married!''

''So is she…''

''Even more reasons to stay away from her.''

''Mom, I have to know what happened.''

''Holly, please.''

''I will be careful.''

''We know that is a lie.''

''Mom, I have to know what happened. This is not Gail I left in Toronto.''

''And you are not same Holly that left.''

''But I didn't change that much.''

''If you say so..''

''Mom, I didn't.''

''Do what you think is the best.''

With those words Holly and her mom ended their conversation. Holly had to know!

Gail got to the cemetery with her mother, Steve and Nick. Grave was opened, casket placed on the elevator and flowers were on top of it. It all looked perfect. People started to arrive. After the scandal got a bit forgotten, it was not that hard to be a Peck. Some old friends and contacts came back to Gail's life, but she didn't need them that much. Now all of Toronto was there to bury William Peck like nothing happened. She, her mom and Steve were THE PECKS again and all was rainbows and butterflies. Like no one knew two of them are going back to prison and she goes back to that big house she grew up at full of secrets and darkness she carried inside too. Nick was perfect son in law and husband. He took care of all the stuff Gail didn't have time for. He took care of the limos, he took care of the transport to their house and he took care of informing people in the 15th about the funeral and small gathering in their home. Eleine and Steve had to be in prison at eight in the evening. Gail managed that much time for them just because some of the people on the comity owed her big time. Tracy, Dov, Chloe, Oliver, Celery and Chris came together. They stood on the side in their uniforms and just looked at the family. They were surprised to see Holly there. Her wife came too because they said that entire division is going. She stood there observing the crowd, especially widow and daughter. The just sat there and looked like perfect statues. There were no tears on their faces, just pure perfection of mother and daughter coldness. Anabel looked at two of them for the entire service. They didn't cry at all, not even pretended to wipe their eyes. She turned towards Chloe and said to her the impression she had.

''Wow! Those two are such a pair! So cold. Not even a tear for the husband and dad.''

Chloe nodded and tried to say something, but Holly and Dov stopped them.

''Shhh!''

After the funeral, they all went to the Peck mansion. Holly was very nervous and had no idea how will this all work out. Her wife and Chloe bonded too much for her taste and she tried to avoid all of Gail's friends. She was not ready to talk about the past. For first few hours, there are too many people in the house. Holly recognized some of them as members of the parliament, mayor, people from all the levels of police and some people she didn't know. Gail and her mom kept their cold exterior and talked to the people who addressed them. Holly had some time to wander around the house. She saw the photographs of the Peck family she remembered from before, photo from Bill's and Elaine's wedding, Steve's photos , photos of Gail in the uniform, photo of Gail when she became CS and few of photos of Gail and Nick together from some parties. They looked like two strangers forced to stand and pose for the pictures. When guests left, there was only crew Holly knew. People who were closest to Gail from the time she was there. Mrs. Peck left for the restroom and Gail left the room. She didn't feel comfortable being there. They talked to Steve, asked about his life and some things Holly didn't really get. She didn't ask, her look was following Gail.

Gail had to get outside. She couldn't breathe inside. She wanted them all gone. She wanted some space and chance to breath. She was tired of all of them. Nick was good host. He offered them more drinks, food and she just signed off, like ususal. She sat on the garden chair and just looked at one spot.

''Are you ok Gail?''

 _Holly… Why did she have to get out? Why was she always the one to find her when she needs some space?_

She turned to face the doctor with a question _are you kidding me?_ in her eyes. Holly realized how stupid the question was.

''Sorry, stupid question… I just wanted to know…''

''I am not talking about it.''

''Why?''

''Because I don't want to. It's none of your business.''

''Gail…''

''Dr. Stewart leave it alone!''

She got up from the chair and started walking towards the house. Holly was walking after her and trying to get her to talk, but Gail didn't want to stop. She had so much and nothing to say to her. Holly was a traitor! Bigger than any of them from her division. Bigger than her family, her (ex) friends and all of these people who are now morning her father. Holly was the worse! And her wife! Ha! Her Chloelike wife was one of the perky ones telling her that it will get better! She had no idea that in the life of Gail Peck it only gets better so it would be even worse after that.

''Gail, wait! Please stop!''

They all turned to see where Holly was coming from. They saw Gail walking towards the living room and Holly running after her.

''Please talk to me!''

''Why should I do that?! One good reason! Just give me one good reason!''

''Because…''

Holly had to think fast.

''Because we tell each other things!''

Gail stopped and so did Holly. They stood frozen in their spot. Gail turned towards her.

''We do? Oh, since when? There were so many things you failed to mention.''

''And so did you Gail. What happened to you? What changed the person I knew? Please Gail, talk to me… Please…''

The rest of the guests were just looking at them. None of them ever dared to challenge Gail, not even Oliver and Nick.

''Fine! You want to know things HOLLY… Well I will tell you all you need to know… What do you want to know? Where do you want me to start from?''

All of the people froze to Gail's tone and way she addressed Holly.

''From the beginning.''

''Ha! That is funny place to start! Because there are so many of them. This story has too many of them. Do you want me to start from the moment my mother decided to tear me down constantly? Do you want me to start from the moment my dad decided that I am not worth of his last name? How about the moment Nickolas left me in Vegas? Do you want me to start from the moment I covered some of the ''friends'' of mine and almost lost my badge? Ha! How about funny nice Perik story where I was tortured and raped and Jerry died? Do you want me to start from the moment Nickolas left me again? Or when you came swinging your lunchbox in my crime scene?''

Holly smiled at that memory. Their first meeting. God, that day was crazy for them. She realized Gail is crazy and that she is crazy about her.

''Or when you kissed me and turned my world around? When you cut my hair? Made love to me?''

Holly's wife had no idea she and Gail were and item. She turned towards Chloe who just nodded. Gail was getting angry now…

''Let's talk about promises you made to me! You said you will be there forever!''

She picked up one of the vases with flowers and threw it towards Holly.

''You said you loved me! YOU SAID I WAS SPECIAL AND I COULD DO ANYTHING! YOU TOLD ME I AM NOT BROKEN! YOU PROMISSED ME FOREVER AND THEN YOU LEFT ME HOLLY! YOU WERE JUST LIKE ALL OF THEM! LIKE MY FAMILY, LIKE NICK, CHRIS AND ALL OF THE PEOPLE YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER BE LIKE! ''

Holly started crying, Oliver was in tears, her mother was shocked and Steve was scared. Gail smiled in that well known bitter way.

''I believed you…Oh, how I believed you Holly Maya Stewart! After listening for my entire life I was not good enough, I finally had someone in my corner. Nick never loved me, Chris never loved me, Dov never loved me, my family never loved me…I built my walls and lived lonely but safe life…and you came and showed me so much love. I gave you a year of my life and I was happy. But then you left... And left me with nothing to hope for.''

''What happened to Sophie?''

''She got adopted...by some other family. She has two moms… Two moms Holly! I was refused because my family was not stable environment. I was close to getting her, but then my family happened. I had to arrest them for being dirty cops. Me, Gail Peck, black sheep of the family... Only clean cop in the family of twenty Pecks!''

''Gail…''

Holly started walking towards her.

''No! It gets better honey! You are in for a real treat now…''

Nick got involved.

''Gail, it's not the way.''

''Shut up Nickolas! She wants to know what happened…''

''Old habits die hard Stewart. That is how…Nickolas and I ended up hooking up again. A lot of alcohol and sex lead to getting married out of despair! I am not married, I am in prison and so is he. We are prisoners of our marriage. You left me and forgot I existed. You didn't answer any of my messages, emails, nothing. He got dumped the same way by Juliet and we were back to our usual route. Booze, sex and Vegas wedding. This time Nickolas made it! Yey for him! As it happens often after marriage and a lot of angry at the world sex, I got pregnant. After eighteen hours of labor, with no drugs, I gave birth to a beautiful boy. We named him Alex. He was perfect. I was finally seeing the sense of the world. I was a mother. I made promise to myself that I will do this right.''

Gail smiled with tears in her eyes. Holly noticed that Nick was crying too. She waited for the punchline.

''Holly, have you ever held a dead child in your arms?''

''No. Hm.. I worked on some children, but never really held them.''

''I did… I held my dead three old son for hours in my arms. Nickolas couldn't take him. I had to sit with him in my lap for I don't know how many hours. He was wrapped in his Cookie monster blanket. He looked like he was taking a nap. Like many afternoons before that. Wrapped in his favorite blanket and in his mama's arm. And I was pressing him on my chest in hope he would wake up and that it was all a bad dream.''

Holly had no idea what to say. Gail stood in front of her with tears in her eyes, but also so much coldness, pain and anger.

''I could live with my parents not loving me. I got used to it. I could live with my ''friends'' talking behind my back. I knew I will prove them wrong one day. I could live without Nickolas. I never really loved him. When you left, I could feel you for months beside me…on my skin, everywhere. I wanted to crawl under the covers and never leave. I felt broken, empty so bad and so full of hate for the world and everyone in it. I was so broken that I was beyond repair. But I survived. And then I believed I was reworded for all that pain and crap. I had my son. I had my child. One thing that was supposed to be mine and someone to whom I was number one person. And even he left me.''

Gail held her chest with both of her hands.

''I still feel his small, cold body pressed against my chest Holly. Nick went to get him a juice box and he fell and hit his head. He had a small red spot on his temple. Nick didn't look at him just for less than a minute. LESS THAN A MINUTE! He screamed and I run to them. I had no idea what happened. Nick was calling his name and Alex just laid in the grass. I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO PICK HIM UP AND CARRY HIM. My fragile husband couldn't do it. You will think I am crazy after I tell you this. Sometimes I still hear him at night calling me to come to his bed because he had a bad dream. It has been two years and I still see him everywhere. ''

Holly was in shock. She had no idea this all happened.

''Gail…''

''Oh, fun fact…''

She wiped her eyes and that evil smile came back.

'' I was pregnant at that moment. I lost the baby while we were waiting for the autopsy results. So, I lost two children in the same day.''

Nick had no idea about this.

''What? You were pregnant?''

''Yes, I was. Alex and I wanted to make you a cake and tell you on your birthday few days later. But, then there was no reason for celebration. Just funeral and grief. My going undercover, you to Afghanistan. And all as we knew it…solder boy. I worked my ass of undercover. I didn't care about the actions I went into. I got back each time. But honestly, I hoped that after some bullet hits me, I would never wake up, but I did come back home. I was never shot, just hit badly or something. I always came back. So after one big operation that led to clearing the force of corrupted cops, I ended up at this position. And now many that spoke behind my back, are in position to kiss my back constantly… And I love it. I love to see them squirm under me. Some of them tried to destroy my career, but now they learned the lesson. You don't mess with crazy woman that has nothing to lose anymore. ''

She turned towards Holly.

''I hope it covers what happened to me in these five years.''

And with that, she left the room and all of her friends numb.


	3. Chapter 3

In next few days Holly was trying to figure out how could she approach Gail and talk to her, but all of her ideas seemed stupid and somehow blah. She had no idea if even Gail wanted to talk to her. After hearing from Gail how her time went by she wanted Gail to know it took some time for her to be ok after she left and that she really never stopped missing her. Anabel and Chloe became friends and spent a lot of time together. Andy became close to them too and thanks to that, Anabel got some hot gossip about her wife and Gail's past. She had so many questions for Holly now and she was not sure how to ask. She didn't want to pressure Holly into that talk since her dad was getting worse. They put him in the hospital since there was not much they could do at home. He was on the morphine drip and very close to his end. Holly was heartbroken over her dad's condition. She forgot she was a doctor and all the things she knew, she was just a scared daughter at that moment. Lisa and Rachel were very supportive and there for her for all she needed and Anabel was very glad Holly had them too.

Gail heard about Mr. Stewart by accident. Chloe and Dov were in the middle of divorce and trying to be civil and polite to each other. So she informed him that she is having lunch with Anabel who spent some hours at the hospital with Holly. Holly was not eating and didn't want to move from her dad. After work Gail went to Thai place she and Holly often took food from before going to her place and spending a lot of time in bed burning off that food. She took their usual order and got back into the car to go to hospital. As she expected, she found Holly in very uncomfortable chair by her dad's bed. She was sleeping and Gail woke her up.

''Hey…''

Holly opened her eyes surprised to see her there.

''Gail?''

''Come out to the hallway to eat.''

''I am not hungry…''

''Yes, you are. I got you Thai and that ice tea you love.''

''And roles with cheese?''

''In the bag Stewart.''

She smiled and left the room to eat with Gail. Gail even convinced her to get out of the hospital and eat at the side stairs. It used to be Holly's secret place during her med school rotations. She took Gail to that place after one shooting when a lot of her friends were hurt. They just sat there and she held Gail until Gail calmed and felt ready to go back and wait with the rest of the officers for some news. Now they had opposite rolls. Now she was the one keeping Holly normal. Holly was eating and at one point she just looked at Gail.

''Want to share?''

''Sure…''

They ate Holly's food and just sat in silence.

''I forgot how long ago I had any food.''

''How is he Holly.''

''It's just a matter of moments Gail.''

''I'm sorry.''

''I feel so angry that I can't do anything about it. I am a doctor and I can't help my dad. I can't find a way to help him.''

''Death is a funny thing Holly…especially in your line of work.''

''What do you mean? You make me sound like hitman…''

Gail smiled at that.

''What I meant was… You know how things happen… What leads to them. With being a doctor, especially pathologist, you know what are the consequences of all this. You sort of know the expiration date of all the people after they get their diagnoses. You know what that body goes through and how much they suffer.''

''That I do…''

There was another moment of silence.

''Gail, how do you cope with death of your dad?''

''I am not right person for that question. I didn't like him very much.''

''He was your dad…''

''Nooo, ne was my father… I never had a dad. You did. You had that relationship with your father. I was… never good enough to mine.''

''But you were more than he ever saw in you.''

''It took a long time to see it Holly.''

''I wish I was there.''

''Holly, let's not go there now. Ok? It's not time and place. Reliving some old moments will not help now.''

''Ok. But there are some I would gladly relive.''

Gail rolled her eyes.

''Mid out of the gutter Stewart!''

''I was not talking about THAT Peck! So, my mind is not in the gutter, unlike yours.''

Gail had to ask now. If it was not sex, what was it?

''What is the moment you would relive?''

''You.. All of it…''

''I knew it!''

Holly gave her a look.

''Knew what?''

''I knew there was some sex on your mind.''

''Not really.''

''Come on Holly.''

''We were more than sex Gail and you know it!''

''I do…''

Holly looked at her watch.

''I must go back.''

''Go home.''

''What if…?''

''Holly, you look like shit. Go home and rest. Sleep in a real bed. He will be there in the morning.''

For some reason Holly listened to her. She went home, took a shower and had good night sleep. She got back to the hospital around ten in the morning. She and her mom were there as soon as they could. He was asleep and Holly noticed how his vitals dropped just a bit. It was starting. He was going to die any minute now. Holly spent that day by his side, but nothing happened. Next day his vitals were better. He was even in less pain than usual.

''Honey, go home! Go to work. I feel better.''

''Dad.''

''You must go and work and that poor wife of yours haven't seen you in weeks.''

''She understands.''

''No, she tolerates Holly. No one understands that their spouse doesn't come home for weeks.''

''But I need to be with you dad. What if…''

''If it happens, it happened Holly. We know for years that I will die.''

''Don't say that.''

He laughed.

''For someone who works with death all the time, you have bad reaction to it.''

''It's different. You are my dad and they are someone else's family. You are mine.''

''And I will always be.''

''I know.''

''Go home or go to work.''

''Ok..''

Holly picked up her bag and coat and went to work. She couldn't go home. She had to have her mind of the dad and all that might happen. She went to her office to leave her things when one of the interns came.

''Dr. Stewart, you are wanted out.''

''Out?''

''CS Peck is picking you up in five minutes.''

She looked at the paper in her hand.

''And she said that you bring your lunchbox. I have no idea what that means Dr. Stewart but that's what she said.''

''Forensic kit. That is lunchbox for CS Peck.''

She had no idea why Gail asked for her. Car with tinted windows stopped and driver opened the door. It was Gail. First things that crossed Holly's mind was that Gail looked so hot in the uniform.

''How did you know I was at work?''

''My job is to now where my people are.''

She smirked.

''And I am ''your people'' CS Peck?''

''Yes, you are Dr. Stewart. You were only senior member available. Dr. Rush is in conference, Dr. Lang is in class, I don't like Mayers, so that leaves you Stewart.''

''Oh, you really know where we are.''

''Sorry to burst your bubble.''

''So, where are we going?''

''You remember where Oliver's cabin is?''

''Yes, why?''

''Close to it is cabin belonging to the police captain Grainger.''

''Ok?''

''He was found dead. And I want to be sure if he died of natural causes or it came to someone naturaly for him to be dead. You get what I'm saying?''

''Someone might have murdered him?''

''Holly, someone wants to murder any of us.''

''Just to make it clear Peck, you are wanted dead more than I am. ''

''Oh, I know that Stewart.''

''I wonder who wants to kill me? Someone from the cases I worked on? Maybe my neighbors in Sand Francisco? I played loud music and cried for a long time. Hm… My cousins… We never had good relationship and they are pretty antigay… Hm… Who else?''

''That curious doctor?''

''No, not really.''

During Holly's rambling they got to the location of the cabin. They were about to leave the car when Gail turned towards Holly.

''You forgot your ex-girlfriends.''

She got out of the car and left Holly in silence.

 _Did Gail want her dead?_

Gail waked up to Oliver and two officers that stood by him.

''What do we know?''

''We can't reach Barbara, but I sent officers to her home.''

''Who called it in?''

''A young officer who he had a romance with.''

''Where is she?''

''HE is in the house talking to Tracy.''

''Oh…''

''Hello Dr Stewart, it's always pleasure to see you.''

''Hi Oliver.''

''Your client is in the house. He is in the bedroom.''

''Oh, ok… I am off to the bedroom then.''

''Holly, wait!''

Gail came after her.

''I am coming with you.''

''Ok.''

''He has a young male lover in the house and we are trying to get in contact with his wife.''

''Wow! That sounds like sope opera.''

''You think she knows?''

Gail had to think about it.

''Depends how good they know one another. I always knew about Nickolas and feelings for Juliet. And I would have known if he ever cheated. ''

''He is fateful to you?''

''I think he is scared of me, so he keeps it in his pants.''

''And you?''

''I am not sleeping around Holly. I am a lady, on position.''

''But you are also a lady with an appetite.''

''And I handle my business by myself.''

Gail shook her head.

''Why am I even telling you this?''

''I… I have to get inside…. I mean in the house.''

Gail smirked… Holly blushed and went in. Gail started laughing. She was so cute, blushing and being nervous imagining Gail ''handling her business''. Before she entered the house, she had to get a bit serious and she just mouthed under her breath.

''This Nerd will be the death of me.''

Holly did her exam and at first she believed it was a natural death. By the bed was something that looked like pills for better ''performance'' and she told forensic team to bag that too.

''What do we have?''

''It looks natural, but since there are little blue pills, I have to open him up and do the toxicology.''

''Ok.''

Gail took a better look at him.

''Holly, what is this on his neck?''

Holly came and took a better look.

''Looks like needle mark. Good eye Peck.''

''Thanks.''

Oliver found them standing very close bent over the body.

''Hey, what did you find?''

''Your little Peck found a needle mark.''

''Good job! Did I mention I was her TO.''

''You always mention that when she does something good.''

''Oh, I forgot. It was such a rare occasion.''

''Shaw and Stewart, I outrank you and you better shut it!''

''Does this count as a bashing in the way? Mobbing?''

''What?''

''Yes, we could file that she flashes her badge and rank all the time and takes advantage of it. Internal control would have field day with it.''

''Like it had with my entire family, ha Olly?''

And with that she left the house.

''I think we took it a bit too far.''

Oliver took Holly's hand.

''Let's apologize.''

Gail was in the car and she was close to tears. Why did she let these things touch her? It was just Oliver and Holly, but maybe it did because it was two of them. Oliver knew what happened and she believed Holly knew her too. Holly got into the car next to her and took her hand.

''I am sorry Gail.''

''It's fine.''

''It's not…''

''Just leave it.''

They got back to the city and Holly went to work on captain right away and Gail went back to her office to work on things she left behind this morning. It was Friday and she was under the impression that the work will never end. She was in the office until some seven in the afternoon and then she went home. When she got there, their house was full. Nick got some of their ''friends''. There were Chris, Dove, his new girlfriend Ana, Chloe, Tracy, Dex, who she started dating again, Oliver and Celery, Sam, Andy, Anabel and Holly. They were watching a game and he told her they ordered food.

''Let me change and I will be there in a minute.''

''Gail, can I have a word?''

''Sure, come with me…''

Holly got off the sofa and went after her. When they got to the bedroom, Holly took a seat at Gail's vanity and Gail went to the closet.

''He was dided of too much Viagra.''

''Ha! I knew having a d could kill you… Too much blood in his ''brain''?!''

''Gail, that's not nice thing to say.''

''You didn't know him. That man though with that thing. He slept with so many people. I wonder how he never got…''

''He is positive.''

''As in HIV?''

''Yes, as HIV.''

Gail got out of the closet pail as wall.

''What is it?''

''How will I tell my officers to get tested? His wife is a friend of many highly ranked officers. She has to get tested and all the people they had sex with too. Oh, God! I don't know how many people they had sex with.''

''Can you order some mandatory HIV testing. December 1st is close?''

''You are genius Stewart! I knew I kept you for something!''

''Ha! Thanks!''

''But Holly, that gives us a problem.''

''Like what?''

''Him being HIV positive could be a motive. Old lover learning that they are positive, wife learning or someone else who needs it quiet.''

''Damn!''

When they got downstairs, Anabel was very angry.

''You don't have to do it in my face!''

''Do what?''

''Fuck my wife!''

''Excuse me?!''

''I know you were at the cabin today and now alone in the bedroom. How can you do it in front of me and your own husband?!''

Gail looked at Gail with a curious smile. He was sort of glad that two of them had sex and maybe settled their differences.

''Anabel, what are you talking about? We didn't do anything.''

''And why would Chloe lie to me you were in the cabin in the woods?''

''We were, but…''

''And why would someone go there if not to have sex?!''

Gail was getting pissed… She put on her sexiest face and voice in play and started talking.

''Oh, you want to know about our day? I will tell you…''

Holly had no idea what is happening.

''I picked her up in my work car… Big car with leather seats… You know how she likes them… So there were three of us… Me…Holly…and my young, hot looking driver… WHO HAS NO INTEREST IN ANY OF US. Than we got to the cabin in the woods. We were finally alone and free to do what we wanted to do… SURROUNDED WITH TEN PEOPLE FOROM THE FORENSIC OFFICE. Oh, and we went into the bedroom.. And I love doing things in bedroom… So there we were… Two of us… AND A DEAD BODY of a police captain… Holly did her magic and then Oliver came… And we all love when he comes, WITH TWO OFFICERS WHO ASKED WHAT TO DO. And I gave Holly a hand with things she was doing. She loves when I give her a hand SOLVING A MURDER. And then three of us came together TO CONSLUSION THAT HOLLY SHOULD TAKE HIM TO THE TABLE AND CRACK HIM OPEN TO SEE WHAT KILLED HIM. Then we came back, each to her work. And I worked on the new budget and she worked on the body. So much for us having sex… So, officer, next time think about your sources. Disney princess is not the best one.''

Anabel was left without anything to say. She knew if there were so many people with them and police captain was killed, she needed Holly and they were really surrounded by a lot of people. The delivery boy saved the day. Now all of them were focused on the boxes with food. Ofcourse, Nick ordered wrong for Gail and her food had tomatoes. Holly eyed her own food and closed the container.

''Take mine. It has no tomatoes.''

''But you love your chicken.''

'' I do, but I don't want to do an autopsy on another Peck.''

''Fine.''

They exchanged food and Nick was surprised to see Holly with Gail's food.

''You don't like the chicken?''

''I do, but you ordered pizza for Gail with tomato pasta.''

''So?''

''She is allergic.''

''Oh, I forgot.''

''Of course you did Nickolas.''

''I am sorry.''

After the game was over and they had few more drinks, it was time to go. Anabel couldn't look Gail and Holly in the eyes. She was wrong about the sex, but she was aware two of them had feelings for one another. At least she was sure Holly loved Gail and after Gail's little tantrum after the funeral , she was almost sure Holly's feelings were returned. She and Nick were alone now. All of the guests left and they had empty house and a lot of silence. They sat in the living room for the longest time not saying a word.

''Gail…''

''Yes?''

''I'm going to Vancouver tomorrow early in the morning.''

''Case related?''

''No.''

''Why then?''

He just looked at her. She knew the answer. Juliet. She has been on his mind for a long time and for some reason, Nick decided to follow that thought.

''Juliet…''

''Yes.''

''Why now?''

''Holly is back...''

''And?''

''You got to say your things, and of course, not to listen to what she had to say…''

There was a small smile on her face. She didn't let Holly speak.

''But at least you got the chance to face her.''

''What does this means for us?''

''If she wants me Gail, I am staying.''

She got up and started walking towards the door.

''Tell me where to send the rest of the things.''

''Gail…''

''No, Nick. I knew this day would come.''

''Gail, I need to be happy… And so do you.''

''Nickolas…''

''Talk to her Gail. She loves you.''

She gave him one of her signature killer looks.

''She is married.''

''So?''

''What? I will not be a mistress.''

''You showed real emotions after two years. You let her in. For some reason that woman knows you better than any of us does.''

''She doesn't know me.''

''She does, and you know her. You pushed some of her buttons too on purpose. You said some things just to hurt her. And this today! Wow! You defended your lady's honor like champ!''

 _Damn you Nick!_

''I…I… I did nothing like that!''

''You did Gail.''

''I did not!''

''I love you so much Gail. You are one of my best friends and I want to see you happy. I need to know we can both do things right. Alex died and part of us died with him, but I don't want to be dead at the age of thirty. I can't Gail and you don't deserve it either. You need to do this for yourself.''

''Nick, she is married and she doesn't love me.''

''Ha! For someotne thtat smart, you can be so stupid sometimes.''

''What?''

''She came for you and YOU let her come back.''

''What?''

''Her job… She would have never gotten it if you, Chief Superintendent Peck, didn't sign on it.''

Gail gave him another evil look. He was right. She did sign and there was no doubt in her head when she saw her application. She had to have Holly back, even if her mind was screaming not to sign her.

''I will kick your ass Collins!''

She slapped him on the shoulder.

''I am on leave Peck, so you can't…''

She smiled and hugged him.

''Take care Nick and call me.''

''I will. You do the same. Don't let her get away again.''

And with that, he went to pack his bags and Gail stood in the room scared and confused.

 _What happens now?_


	4. Chapter 4

It was four in the morning and Nick was at the door. He noticed Gail was sitting in the chair looking at the yard.

''Hey, you are up?''

''Couldn't sleep.''

''Taxi just got in. I am going.''

She got off the chair and came to him.

''Good luck Nick!''

''Thank you Gail.''

''For what?''

''Everything.''

She smiled at him and he kissed her. They haven't kissed in a very long time. It was just a peck on her lips, but it got them smiling.

''Go and get your girl Collins.''

''You too Peck!''

''Hahahaha… You are funny!''

''Gail, you have to let people in.''

''People hurt you when you let them in.''

''And sometimes they surprise you. Let our friends make amends and let them see the fun person you can be.''

''I am not fun.''

''You are when you let your guards down.''

''They doubted me!''

''It has been five years Casper!''

''Hey, don't call me like that!''

He smiled at her.

''I mean what I said. Try letting the guard down. Even just a little bit.''

Nick left and she stayed all alone. Now she was really alone. She had no idea what to do now and who to call or anything. She wanted to tell someone about this, but she realized she had no one to call. At six she changed into her uniform and went to work. She had so many things to do that she had no time to be tired or sleepy. At six in the evening she finally managed to get out of the office and after years of avoiding the place, she went to Penny. She saw all of her friends having a drink there. She was about to leave when Holly came to get her.

''Hey, come! Sit with us.''

Oliver was surprised to see her there.

''Hey little Peck! What brings you here?''

''A drink, or two?''

''Alone?''

''I got used to doing things alone?''

''Come on, drink with us.''

They spent most of the evening talking about Andy's and Sam's wedding anniversary. They wanted a party and were thinking about possible locations. Andy wanted it to be big and Sam wanted just the closest friends.

''Please girls, help me convince him.''

''I am on his side. I hate things like that.''

''Come on! You and Nick always had best parties ever.''

''Because he organized them Disney.''

Anabel didn't really get why Gail called Chloe like that.

''Why do you call her Disney?''

Before she could answer, Holly did.

''Because she is too positive and cheerful for the Grumpy there.''

''Hey! I am not grumpy, she is just too much.''

''Gail, you are grumpy!''

''No, I am not!''

''Oookkkk… If you say so…''

Chloe turned towards Anabel.

''But she loves me… Somewhere deep down she loves me…''

''Yes, somewhere deep, deep, deep ,deep… She loves you from the bottom of her chilly heart.''

''Stewart, you are pissing me off!''

''Ah, Peck! I am just getting started.''

Gail had one more drink with them and then she left. Baby steps. She needed to take this hanging out with them very slow. She didn't know them anymore. Sam and Andy had a daughter she barely knew. She saw her in the pictures, but she had no idea who Caty is. Dov and Chloe were getting a divorce and she had no idea why it happened. Tracy and Dex were back on and she had no idea how that happened. Maybe Nick was right? Maybe she and they deserve a second chance.

She didn't like being home alone, but on the other hand she decided to take it in the different way. She had time to grow and try to find herself. At night she slept for the first time in the middle of the bed. She fluffed herself in between the pillows and watched reruns of CSI. That reminded her of the time she and Holly did that for hours, but it didn't make her sad as it used to. She spent entire weekend throwing things out of the house that she didn't like. She got rid of some of her mother's old things she always hated. She gave some of them away and she sent to some auction house paces that were valuable but she didn't want them. She started taking charge of her life even at home.

For next few days, she would go out with her old friends after the shift and they would have a drink or two. She started liking this time with them all. She even started liking Holly's wife a bit. She was good person after all. It was not her fault that she got into this band of idiots and in the middle of this confusing thing she and Holly had. Since they had that delicate situation with HIV positive captain and a suspect pool that had people in two divisions, they had to thing fast and be very careful with what they do. She and Holly often met at the lab or in her office to work on strategy how to pin the murderer or at least find some suspects. Holly suggested again random testing and Gail found some loopholes in the law that the test results come to her office as well. She sent a message to staff sergeants that all of their men and women must be in the station at seven in the morning. Holly found an independent lab that accepted that workload and they came to test the officers. About three hundred officers and higher ranked officers were tested. And now Gail had to wait for three days for the results to be processed. She insisted that she would pick them up and that they are not to be given to anyone but her. When she got the call , she called Holly too.

''Holly, what are you up to?''

''I am deep in the paperwork…''

''I got the results and I have blood samples of three hundred people. You said you found some male DNA on the body. You can test it now to the blood I got.''

''But I am deep in this crap.''

''You are the boss, hand it to someone. And you know I can't hold on to that much blood for a long time. Icepacks are melting.''

''And they call you an Ice queen?''

''ha-ha… very funny. When we lose samples because of you…''

''Fine. Bring it here…''

''Thank you…''

Since it would take a lot of time to process all that, Holly placed the blood at the place only she used. Many of the doctors and interns had no idea of that compartment in the main fridge. She worked on ten samples that night and following days she processed more. She told Gail that it might take up to two weeks to finish all of them if she wanted just her to work on it. Gail didn't want anyone else to know, so she told Holly to do it herself and take her time. Because of the case, they spent a lot of time together. They would flirt and give each other googly eyes, but they never crossed the line. Holly was married and she really loved her wife and for Gail it was just complicated. She respected Holly's marriage and had no idea what is happening to hers. Nick was not calling and she didn't intent to chase him. She knew she loved Holly and Holly knew how she felt for Gail, but they kept it to themselves. It was not their time. For both of them, their thing was in the past and they believed that feeling would fade. None of them drunk a lot around the other one and they did all to avoid spilling their guts to one another. Anabel and Gail tried to build a relationship, but it was work in progress. No one finds it easy to be friends with the ex's spouse and with the ex you know your spouse has some feelings for. And many of their coworkers were not helping her to feel secure. They would often spill details of Holly's and Gail's relationship that made her doubt her wife, even when she is not doing anything wrong. She even spent one evening observing Holly and Gail and found nothing that could give her credit to doubt her. They worked this case together, but they were in Gail's office or at the morgue. One evening it changed. Oliver and Celery joined the band and as usual, Oliver had talent to say and ask wrong things.

''Peck, you are here again?''

''Yes, I am. I know you missed me…''

''And what will your husband say? He must be waiting at home.''

Gail had some of her Jack and Coke and answered. She knew it will come up at some point.

''No, he is not.''

''And where is handsome soldier boy?''

''Hopefully in bed with Juliet.''

Holly just looked at her in disbelief.

''What?''

''He left after that dinner at our house, at four in the morning.''

''Why?''

''He loves her and wants to be happy.''

''And you?''

Gail made a face.

''I don't love Juliet! I never did! It was your paranoia all the time! When you saw us, we were talking about the case. Are you really grilling me for that even now?! Come on! You know I worked with her ok, but never more than that. I am not a slut Stewart!''

She smiled at Gail.

''I meant how are you with him leaving?''

''Oh, I'm ok.''

''And by the way, I was just teasing you at that time. I loved how you get worked up about it. You know I was never the jealous type.''

''You? Ae you sure Stewart?''

''Yes.''

''Two words… bartender… Wonder!''

''Come on! She wrote her name and number to your hand and she saw us together!''

''Do you still say you are not jealous person Stewart.''

''It was one time!''

''I don't care. You said before…''

Chris spoke next.

''She can't tell you anything. She almost killed that girl in Penny before the shooting…and you were not even dating at the time.''

''Diaz!''

''Sorry Gail, you started it!''

''Oh, I forgot about that. But you know it was a setup. I really wanted to be there with you.''

''Oh, we know. After the shooting she came with a new haircut and a pretty big hickey.''

Gail and Holly blushed. It was the first time they had sex. And it was the first time Gail really let someone in…in more than one way. They had flashbacks to that night and their naked bodies close and all the things done and said. Holly told her she loved her during one of her orgasms, so Gail didn't take it seriously and Holly pretended she said nothing. Conversation continued down the usual route. All of them teased Gail and Holly about how joined to the hip they were or how Holly was the only one who could manage being close to Gail when she is at one of her moods. Even Oliver teased.

''Come on! What about the moment Gail and Holly danced at our wedding. Celery and I were soon forgotten.''

''Oh, my God Oliver! It's not true. You and Celery were stars of the evening!''

''Come on Holly! You don't remember half of the wedding because you were staring at one another. There was no normal conversation with any of you. And instead of getting ''awes'' and ''ows'' because we were so ''cute'' and in love, two of them did. We stood and watched them dance to our first dance. And next day, this one woke me up to go and get a ring for you Holly! So, please don't tell me I was the star of my wedding.''

Holly looked at Oliver who realized he said too much and Gail having the face of dramatic chipmunk.

''Shit!''

Oliver now couldn't take it back.

''You bought me a ring?''

''No, I actually had it made. I didn't like any of the ones we saw. None of them was something I could imagine on your finger. So I choose to have it made.''

''What?''

''I took that gem Celery gave you and you believe you lost it. I took it to put it in your ring.''

''You made me a ring with it?''

Gail took a huge gulp of the drink.

''Yes, at that small Indian place you liked. I got it there and the lady made it.''

''You hated that place.''

''I still do…''

''Why did you go there?''

''You loved it and it was the only thing that mattered at the time.''

Andy had to ask.

''Do you still have it?''

''Yes, it's in my jewelry box.''

''Why not just get the diamond?''

''Because diamonds are cheap…''

Holly snorted at that. And her wife rolled her eyes.

''Says the woman with a diamond that could feed the third world county.''

''Oh, don't get me wrong. I love me some diamonds… And this ring is my grandmother's. Nick could never afford what is on my hand. From him I have very thin wedding band somewhere in the jewelry box.''

She showed her left hand with very expensive rings.

''This was more appropriate for the positon I am in. My mother always took pride in her wedding band, even though she hated the bastard. Bastard, being my father.''

''So, they are just for show?''

''Oh, no. I am married… Well at least until he comes and tells me to sign the papers.''

Chiloe was curious about the ring Gail had.

''You could get her a nice ring. Even Dov saved up money to get me a diamond.''

Anabel wanted to tease.

''You were cheap Peck. Every girl loves diamonds.''

''But your wife hates them. She always has to go about how many people had to die or get hurt over them. And I am not big lover of the synthetic ones…. Sooo…each to their own.''

Gail finished her drink and got off the chair.

''I'm gone. See you all. ''

After she left, there was a lot of murmur about the ring, Gail, Holly and all that happened to them. None of them could understand what really broke two apart. Gail never mentioned anything. She just sad one day that Holly is gone and that was it. Chloe took her drink and turned towards Holly.

''What happened with you and Gail?''

''What?''

''She had a ring and you left…''

''It's complicated.''

Anabel felt uncomfortable.

''Can we stop talking about this?''

They all realized how uncomfortable this is. In next few days they all pretended that conversation and revelations never happened. Gail kept being her reserved self and Holly kept being confused about her feelings. There was Anabel, she loved very much, but there was also Gail she was in love with. Few days later, Anabel came to Gail's office. She was surprised to see her there.

''How can I help you officer?''

''Can we speak off the record?''

''Sure.''

''What is your office's policy on female officers being offended and made a pass on by male officers?''

''We are talking about hipotetical situation?''

She nodded and Gail continued.

''In that situation, if you are offended, you report that to your TO, but since you are not in training, you report it to your Staff Sergeant. If it is resolved on that level, issue is not being transferred to the higher places. If it continues or your SS doesn't wat to deal with it or pretends it is not happening, you go to the Superintendent and if that office fails, then it comes to me. I am your last station. Is that clear?''

She nodded and Gail continued.

'' And when it comes to making a pass on the officer, we allow dating and marriages in between the officers and members of other staff. If you like the person, no one has the permition to interfere. If your relationship becomes issue in your work performance, then you are not allowed to work partnered or close to the partner. If it is something that you are not comfortable with, again you go to the staff sergeant…unless complaint is about him...''

''It is not Oliver.''

''Good. Now tell me what happened?''

''Few nights ago, some officers made rude comments in Penny about the gay and lesbian officers in the force and since they know about my marriage to Holly, even two of us were mentioned. They made comments about our sex life.''

''Do you know their names?''

''No, but they were white shirts.''

Gail had an evil smirk.

''Oh, how fun!''

''What?''

''I will handle it.''

''How?''

''I will find my way when the time comes. Don't worry. In time you will know.''

She was getting ready to leave when she turned towards Gail.

''Are you doing this for her?''

''You mean Holly?''

''Yes.''

''Close the door and sit down.''

Anabel did what Gail said and she waited for the answer.

''Holly was one of the most important people in my life and thanks to her I realized I was gay. All the epic fail relationships with men finally made sense. I was not into men. And after coming out I had some experiences that were not pleasant. I was protected by my name, Frank and Oliver from many things other gay officers face, but I did face some of it. I heard very nasty jokes about our relationship, questions who was the ''men'' in our relationship, what is she like in bed and bunch of things that hurt and insult. Some members of the force were bullied and hurt by ''accident'' and many high officers never reacted or punished the people who did it. I want to do it. Even working undercover, some of the officers I worked with had issues with me being gay and believing I want to turn them or take advantage of them in some way. I felt like shit. I want to make a change and make everyone feel comfortable. I don't want any of the officers to be judged by their sexual preferences, religion and ethnicity. I want them to be judged on how good they do their work. And I will fight for that, regardless of how high it the rank of the man or a woman doing the discrimination. And I think we should clear the air. I can't erize my past with her. We had something special, we were very much in love and we didn't make it. It's our own fault and it has nothing to do with you. She is your wife and I respect that. I am a person who respects other people's marriages. When it comes to the others, I can't influence what they say or think, so don't put that on us. Holly and I keep it very professional and clean. We are trying to restore our friendship and that's it. ''

''Thank you.''

''You are welcome. And if it happens again, remember the names and come to me or Oliver.''

''I will.''

Anabel never mentioned to Holly conversation she and Gail had. She simply kept it a secret. They all kept meeting at the Penny and Holly and Gail kept working on their case in secret. Gail loved spending time in the morgue. It reminded her of the time when she was just an officer and the very beginning of their friendship. Holly was still in her lab coat with nerd glasses and smirk she loved, but she was not the same. She was not anymore dead beat cop she was, now she was so much more. Now she was even more than her mother ever was. She sat there in expensive suit and shoes, manicured nails and expensive bag. She was so much more, but she missed being much less. She was confused with all the feelings that started resurfacing.

Sunday evening was dragging for her. She finished some work she had and now she was thinking what TV show to watch. It was raining pretty bad outside. Gail hated rains. It reminded her of Steve and the time they would hide in the attic and he would read stories to her. That Steve disappeared when she turned eleven, but she still missed that brother. She hated what he became. She hated how her parents manipulated him into becoming corrupt cop. A doorbell interrupted her thoughts. She got to the door and found Holly completely wet and crying.

''Holly, what happened?!''

''He died. My father is dead.''

Gail got her into the house and closed the door. She took off Holly's jacket and hung it.

''Let's get you dry and worm.''

They went to the bedroom and Gail got her something to change into. Holly took the things and just threw them on the floor. She grabbed Gail and kissed her. Gail felt electrocuted. All the suppressed emotions and need for Holly got out the moment they kissed.

''Holly, don't do it! We can't!''

''But…''

''No!''

''Gail, please…''

''Holly, I can't do it!''

''But…''

''You love your wife… She loves you too. Don't ruin that because of memory you have of something that was five years ago. In the moment of fear and pain, I cut my hair, and you are doing this…You can stay here and dry up. We can talk. But nothing more. You need a friend more than a hook up…''

''Gail…''

She left the room and Holly changed. When she got downstairs, Gail was in the living room with bottle of bourbon.

''Bourbon?''

''I hid the scissors.''

Holly snorted.

''I will not cut my hair Gail. I look funny with short hair.''

''Good to know… But I hid them just in case.''

''I am sorry.''

''What for?''

''I don't know anymore. Everything would be a good start.''

''It's not all your fault.''

Holly drank her glass in one gulp.

''He died in my arms.''

'' I'm sorry.''

''I feel so powerless Gail. He is gone...''

''I know.''

''I just wish my mom called earlier. I could have had more time with him. He died too soon Gail. I was not ready.''

''You never are Holly. That is a shitty thing with death. You never are ready, regardless of how it comes. I was not ready when my grandparents died. And they were old, like very old…oved ninety… And when it comes to Alex…Oh, God! His death was such a hit to my existence.''

Holly studied Gail. They were sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace and drinking Bourbon out of the bottle now. Her hair was down, she was dressed in black. Black leggings and tunic falling from one of her shoulders. Her hair was longer than she's ever seen it. It was reaching under her shoulder blades. Her eyes were closed like she was calling some memories back.

''I know I can't have him back. But I wished I had few minutes more. I wish I could tell him one more time how much I love him and how amazing he was.''

''How do you get over?''

Gail took a gulp.

''You don't… You just learn to live with the pain and void.''

''So, pain never stops?''

''It doesn't stop, it just changes. First few days you are in shock and there are so many things to do. You have to call people, get the paperwork, organize the funeral, and pick the food, the burial you want, keep your head in the game, because you know you must. Then, the funeral comes. You have bunch of people telling you how amazing he was. You cry a bit, but not too much because you have work to do, you have guests to entertain.''

''Entertain? Come on Gail!''

''Well, you entertain… You have people on. Full house of them… And they want food, drinks… and bathroom…''

Holly laughed…

''The real thing starts after. It starts with the silence… When it gets dead silent. When people stop calling, when you get back to your daily routine and you realize that one huge portion of it is missing. You will catch yourself going to the hospital to see him and then remembering he is not there or I had night when I would go and tuck Alex in to be faced with an empty bed and after that empty room.''

Holly kept drinking and listening to Gail.

''Your mom is going to need you a lot. Two of them were very close and you need to take good care of her. She lost her spouse and her person. Two of them were always so close and doing everything together. She will miss him so much.''

''I will too...''

''I know. But you will be ok. After some time, he will be a nice memory, someone you miss, but not source of pain. And when some big things happen, you will want to tell him that. But then you find other ways to ''talk'' to him. I often talk to the picture of my son.''

''Really?''

''Yes. I have one picture of him where he is dressed as a pirate captain and I talk to him when I feel lonely or just miss him so much.''

''I wish I could have met him.''

''Me too. He would give you run for your money. He was very smart and curious child. I think he would have been a doctor or something if he lived.''

''And not a police officer? How would your mom react?''

''I don't care. I never did. I just wanted him to be what he wanted to be. I wanted him happy.''

They kept talking about some things related to the Gail's son and time flew. At two in the morning Holly's phone rang. It was Anabel. She didn't answer but she changed back to her things.

''I have to go. Thank you Gail.''

''Take care Stewart.''

Anabel and her mom were out of their mind worried about her.

''Where were you? I searched for you everywhere.''

''I needed some time Anabel.''

''You didn't answer your phone!''

''I needed to be alone. I just lost my father. I didn't want to talk. I wanted to just be. Find a comfort!''

''In what?''

''I don't know.''

''Where were you Holly?''

''Around.''

Holly went to the bedroom and went to shower. She needed some time alone to process. She didn't want to push her away, but she needed to deal with her pain alone at first. Her emotions were all over the place again. In this house, everything reminded her of her father and time they (didn't)have. When she left the bathroom, light was off and Anabel turned her back to Holly's side of the bed. In the morning, as Gail warned her, she had to take charge of handling the paperwork. Her mother was out of it and on some meds just to be calm. Gail called to check in.

''Hey, how is it?''

''Chaotic. Mom is drugged, Anabel busy with stuff at home and. Some cousins are coming and she is handling them. My mom is not capable of it. I am just trying to get the body to the funeral home.''

''When is the funeral?''

''Tomorrow at four.''

''Ok. I'll see you then. Call if you need something.''

''I will… Thanks.''


	5. Chapter 5

Gail made sure that Holly and Anabel have some time off before and after the funeral. After things got settled, two of them went for a few days out of town and Gail was glad that Holly will be away to rest and have some peace. Nick called her and told her that he and Juliet patched things up and that he would come soon to start the divorce and all that he has to do about it. She felt a bit weird. She was morning her marriage in a way. She never loved him, but again, that was one more thing she was bad at and she failed to do well. Oliver took her out for a drink and they talked for some time. He explained to her that marriages fail and that's it's ok to try again with someone new or even someone else without the marriage. He tried to explain to her that there is so much around her and that she needs to relax and just enjoy. Maybe not date right away, but explore what is the thing she wants. Is it a new marriage, new experiences or just someone to be with? That night she removed her rings and put them in the box. From that day she decided to be a single woman opened to new partners and experiences. Holly and Anabel returned from their short trip and they were at Tracy's for diner. They all sat at the table exchanging jokes, and Dov started teasing Gail.

''So, now that you are single, when are you going to start dating again?''

''I have no idea. I was not thinking about it.''

Chloe took a bight of her food and started looking at Gail.

''What is it Disney?''

''Who will you date? Men or women?''

They all turned toward her. That was actually a good question. She didn't have an idea either.

''Why do you ask Disney? Now that we are both single are you asking me out?''

Chloe got confused and started stuttering.

''I…No…I…I just wanted to know… You are hot…but…I…''

''Breath Disney…''

Tracy looked deep in thoughts.

''What is it Nash?''

''I never believed I would say this, but Chloe did make a valid question. You dated men and it was an epic fail, then you dated Holly…''

Then Dove spoke again.

''And she slept with half of the female population of the 15th Division. No wonder why everyone is afraid of her.''

She gave him a look.

''What does that mean?''

''You did something to these girls. There was a lot of screaming involved.''

''Yes, I gave them an orgasm! If you've ever given one to a girl you would have recognized the sound they made.''

Chris chocked on his food. He looked at her with such an adoration. Only Gail could burry you in under ten seconds so you don't know what happened to you.

''Oh, my God! Gail that was… Just wow!''

''You see Dovyboy. Chris here gets me.''

''Yes, always ganging up on me!''

''No, we are not. He is an idiot, but he knows his way in bed.''

''Is that a praise to me Gail?''

''You were pretty good lover. But you are still a dumass. What can I say?!''

''Thanks, I guess...''

Anabel god curious.

''How many people did you sleep with?''

''In this room, in life or at the division?''

''Division…''

Tracy shook her head.

''I don't want to know…''

Holly agreed.

''Me either.''

''Why Stewart? Afraid you had some competition?''

''No, I know no one could compare…''

''Ha ha…''

''I must say you set the standards.''

Holly smirked…

''No one lectured me in bed about the possible fractures of my wrist if I tie it certain way.''

Holly threw her napkin on Gail.

''But you can't say it was not educational.''

Gail winked…

''Oh, it was…very educational…''

They all rolled eyes at that comment.

''Oh, I forgot. Nerd, I need you all dolled up tomorrow.''

''What?''

''I am taking you as my plus one to the fundraiser.''

''Why?''

''Because your morgue needs money to fix the roof and ventilation. And if we smile nice tomorrow, you might fix the problem with the roof and leaking. You are the boss, so you must do the adult things too honey…''

''When you say doll up?''

''I mean heels, sexy dress and cleavage.''

''I hate it.''

''You will survive, especially if we get the money.''

''I hate you sometimes.''

''I know. The feeling is mutual.''

There was someone at the door. Tracy forgot to mention she invited her cousin Cristal to fix her up with Chris. She was hot, smart and few years younger than them. She was a social worker and she could relate to some situations they saw and handled. Tracy introduced her to everyone and tried to direct her to Chris but it was so hard to start that conversation. They had different interests. After they were done with diner, Gail was doing the dishes and Cristal joined her. They started chatting and there was some serious flirting going on. At the end of the evening, Gail gave her a ride home and they agreed to have coffee next day.

Fund raisers were something none of them liked. Gail hated how some men looked at her like peace of meet and Holly hated crowds. She didn't feel comfortable there. She spent most of the afternoon getting ready and very nervous. Gail was not helping either. Her phone buzzed and she saw it was Gail.

 **G: I forgot how fun this two girls getting dressed together could be fun. Too bad I can't borrow you any of my dresses since you wouldn't wear my things. I know, not enough fleece and backpacks.**

 **H: Not funny officer.**

 **G: I don't know if you had some internet in US but I am not an officer anymore. But you are still a NERD.**

 **H: Leave me alone! I must get dressed since you are picking me up in twenty minutes to go to that torturous place and hang out with all those despicable people who are full of money and often very limited intellect. And regardless of what I put on, they will never see me as equal. I will always be the lesbian that replaced the man on the position of Chief of Pathology. So, stop distracting me Peck!**

 **G: Why are you saying all those words?**

Holly couldn't stop laughing. She finally finished getting dressed at the moment when Gail rang the doorbell. She was satisfied with how she looked. She had black dress and nice heels. She put on her lenses and she did show some skin in this dress. Her hair was in a bun and she put on nice pearls and nice perfume. She heard the door open and Gail's voice.

''Good evening Mrs. Stewart.''

''Gail.''

Anabel was in the living room watching the news.

''Hey…''

''Hi… Is she ready?''

''Yes, I am Peck.''

Gail was in a little black dress. Her hair was up in a bun and she had beautiful black boots and fur coat. She knew how to leave her breathless and she had no doubt that many people at the room there would be under her spell pretty soon. She knew how to sell sexy and not make it vulgar. Holly even noticed her wife checking Gail up and she was a bit jealous…but was not sure why.

''You cleaned up nice Stewart.''

''You said we have to sell our souls to Devil tonight, so I am ready.''

''No, you got it wrong again. Devil picked you up, and you are Devil's advocate tonight.''

''Poor little me.''

''You'll live.''

They did well. Holly got the money she needed and Gail managed to convince them to give her some more. She couldn't believe how people were smitten by Gail. She had them where she wanted them from the moment they approached them. They had a lot of photos taken of them because everybody wanted a picture with Gail, but she didn't let go of Holly. Holly had no idea what was that about, but by the way Gail made sure to have her close, she knew there is something more to it. She even got Holly to dance. Holly hated dancing. She really was not a good dancer but as she could always make a face to get Gail to the betting cages, Gail could pout to get her to dance. She was a good dancer. Her mom made her take dance lessons for few years, but she was never very comfortable doing it. It didn't seem natural to her, until Gail. Gail was the only person she ever danced with and it was their secret. When they got into the car, Holly had to ask about the photos.

''What was the point of taking them?''

''Not for you to touch my butt. As you did.''

''YOUR DRESS IS SLIPERY!''

''Just tell yourself that Stewart.''

''I give up!''

''Because you know I am right. You love my butt, you always did.''

''Gail, for real…What is the point?''

''Tomorrow, everyone will know who you are. Chief of Pathology will have a face. You will not be Dr. Holly Stewart that replaced Dr. Harris. You will be Dr. Holly Stewart, Chief of Pathology.''

''Oh, that makes sense.''

''You are a brand now Stewart and we must advertise you properly.''

''I have no idea what that means and I am scared to ask.''

''It means you are becoming visible.''

Next day, they were in all the papers and magazines. It was scary for Holly to see herself in so many places. Anabel teased her she wants an autograph.

''It is not funny.''

''It is actually. You look good, but uncomfortable.''

''I don't like doing this. I am happy behind my desk and doing my job.''

''But this is your job too. And Gail told you that.''

'' I know.''

Holly looked at the pictures and saw how Gail looked more comfortable in them.

''She is natural.''

''She is faking it all of her life.''

''Not always… Sometimes you would be surprised how row she can be.''

'Don't know…Can't talk about it. I have a shift soon. See you…''

She pecked Holly on the lips and left the house. Holly's mom came in and poured some coffee.

''Want some more?''

''No, I am ok.''

''What is that?''

''Yesterday's event.''

Her mom checked out the pictures and looked at her daughter.

''You are spending too much time with her.''

''We work together and we are trying to be friends.''

''You have a wife.''

''And I am faithful.''

''Still.''

''what?''

''You don't cheat with body. But where is your heart Holly?''

''Mom, we are not talking about this.''

''She was here.''

''What?''

''After you left. She came to ask for your address and phone number.''

''And she never used them.''

''She never got them. I didn't give them to her. She came after you had few dates with Anabel and I liked that girl from what you told me. So I choose to protect my child and never gave her what she asked for.''

''You had no right mom.''

''I had every right! You are married to a good girl now. You are her priority. She moved here to be with you. She left it all for you Holly and you owe her to honor your marriage.''

''And I am doing it.''

''By spending time with Gail?''

''Mom, we work together.''

''I am just warning you Holly. Be careful. That wife of yours will not tolerate your school girl crush forever.''

''Mom…''

Holly left the room and went to the bathroom. She had to take a shower and go to work. On top of things with her mom, she found one more reason to worry. She just needed to deal with that.

Gail and Cristal had their coffee and it was fun. They met few more times and hit it off right away. Chemistry was good and they decided not to put label on whatever was happening. They were going for diners, movies and having sex, but they were not girlfriends or even dating. Since Gail was not officially divorced and Cristal got out of complicated relationship, this no strings attached thing worked for them perfectly. Sex was good, they didn't have many expectations from one another and they agreed that it is good to be like that. They could see other people, but they had to inform the other one and it functioned well. They didn't see other people, but it was good they had the option.

It was Friday night and Gail made plans with Cristal. They were supposed to meet at Gail's and have a weekend together. Gail did all to prepare for that. She stuffed her fridge, made sure her body was in perfect order and shape and she got out some pretty sexy night gown. At eight someone was at the door. She opened in her very sexy and transparent nighty and found Holly and her wife at the door.

''What are you doing here?''

''Peck if you are greeting guests like that, I get why Holly dated you.''

''Shut up Andrews! Why are you here?''

''Your girl toy didn't tell you?''

''Tell me what?''

''That all of us are coming. She needs a girl night.''

''What?''

''You are not getting laid CS Peck!''

''If I send your wife undercover, neither will you Stewart!''

''Hey! Why do I have to suffer?''

''Because!''

'' Your rank is lower!''

''Two of you are awkward.''

''Holly, your wife is pushing it now!''

''I going to take this to the kitchen and I suggest you change since I am sure that you don't want Tracy and Celery to see you in that state of undress. ''

''Chloe is not coming? What about Andy?''

''She is, but Anabel knows you would enjoy flaunting your body in front of Andy and Chloe. After the baby, Andy never got the body back and Chloe always had that chubby tummy.''

Gail went to the bedroom to change. She put on yoga pants and tunic and got her hair up. When she got downstairs, all of the ladies were there.

''What happened so you told them to come?''

''I needed a lot of love and attention…and bitching about the ex.''

Andy took a sip of the beer and made a joke.

''For all of that, Peck is enough.''

''McNally, don't make me take your badge... Working traffic looked good on you.''

''Wow! Big guns are out!''

''Tracy, don't!''

Clery had so much fun listening to them.

''So, tell us what happened with the ex?''

''So, I was going home from work today and I saw her in the street. We broke up four months ago and she told me she is getting married! She just met some random girl and they are getting married! Can you imagine?!''

Gail took a sip of her beer.

''I don't believe her! How could she?!''

Tracy tried to be reasonable.

''She is allowed to...''

''She was supposed to come back to me! We were supposed to be happy!''

Gail was silent. This all hit home to her little too much.

''Do you think she is the one?''

All of them turned towards Gail.

''What?''

''Is she the one?''

''I think she is…''

''I didn't ask what you think. I want to know what you KNOW.''

''I don't get it.''

They were all a bit confused, but Celery that had that characteristic smirk.

''You say she is with that girl for couple of months. You see Celery there, she married Oliver after three weeks of knowing him and they are so happy together. Before her he was married for eighteen years and he was never happier than he is with her. His ex-wife is the person he thought was the one and if she didn't cheat, they would still be married.''

Gail got off the chair and kneeled before Cristal.

''Time is just a way to measure our presence in this world. You can know someone for years and never have that connection and love like you can find with someone you meet and click right away. Life sucks, bit it sucks more if you spend it with wrong people and alone. So, I am asking is that girl the one?''

''I think she is…''

''NO! There is no ''I think''! Girl, you either know or not know! That is not something to think about. You know that she is the one if she is soooooo deep in your blood and every part of you is connected to that person. Then, you KNOW she is the one. If you ''think'', then she is not the one.''

''I don't get it Gail. I don't understand what you refer to.''

''How does it feel to be without her?''

''So hard. I can't describe the feeling…''

''Emptiness, everything being pointless, lack of will to do anything… Not being able to sleep on that other person's side of the bed. Having box of things that you never touch and open. Talking to that person, when they are not with you? Having small piece of them always with you.''

''Yes, something like that.''

Cristal got her golden chain out of the shirt. There was small cross with tiny diamonds.

''This is hers.''

''It's beautiful.''

''She got it from her late dad. She gave it to me one day when there was some shooting during my home visit.''

''But there is no way! No point.''

''She is alive! You can talk and patch things up, if there is a point. That is something that Tracy will never have with Jerry. Oh, Cristal… There are so many stupid things around. She is not married yet, so go after her. If she is your person, nothing can come between that, but your stupidity and stubbornness.''

Cristal wiped her tears and Gail god off the floor. Cristal got her jacked and went to the door. Gail walked her and gave her a hug. She was on the way to kitchen when she heard Cristal yell.

''Maybe you should listen to your own advice.''


	6. Chapter 6

Gail sneaked into the house and got her coat. She put it on and got out to the garden. She sat on the steps and just stared at the distance. She heard the door, but didn't need to turn to see who it was. She knew it.

''Hey..''

''Hey…''

Holly took a seat beside her.

'' I knew I'd find you here.''

''Apparently I am bad at hiding.''

''Or I am too smart for you to hide from.''

Gail smiled.

''Dork!''

There was awkward silence. Holly wanted to say something, but she didn't dare to speak.

''Nerd, just say it. I can hear you thinking.''

''Did you mean what you said to Cristal?''

''I did.''

''I wonder how our life would look like if my mom gave you my address and number?''

''You know about that?''

''Yes, she told me this morning.''

''Oh.''

''Do you think we would still be together?''

''We would be living in your apartment. I would be detective and you would still be geeking around the lab. We would go to Penny with our friends after shifts, you would be rambling about some things that only you know about and I would just roll my eyes at how big nerd you are. Because Dov is such a pain in the ass, you would play Trivia and kick his skinny, bony ass and he would never shut up about how he was distracted or something like that. We would have eloped and just sent a text or a picture of us from somewhere nice saying that we are married. We would have had kids. Two of them. Most probably girls. One carried by you and the other by me. Oh, we would have had such a fun life.''

Holly could see it too.

''But I didn't get the number and you will have it all with someone else. And it's Ok Holly. We were not meant to be. But I will have an amazing story to tell to Tracy's grandkids or someone else's kids, since mine is dead.''

And there was that wall and sarcasm they knew too well.

''Maybe I can even score some hot chicks with the story about the ''one that got away''. Who knows Nerd?! Life is so unpredictable.''

''But I didn't.''

''Didn't what?''

''Get away. I am stuck Gail… I am stuck in my own personal limbo trying to figure out my life. They want me back at the States. I got an offer to teach and work on some cool stuff.''

Gail felt the same anger she felt the first time Holly mentioned job in SF. But now, she had no right to be angry. She had no right to be anything but happy for the chance her FRIEND is getting.

''How long do you know about that one Holly?''

Holly felt the chill in Gail's tone.

''I got the email this morning.''

''Oh.''

Gail didn't want her to leave, but she also knew Holly's closeness was killing her. She couldn't watch her with another woman. She had a wife and life she should live. She didn't deserve to waste time with her. Holly could do much better. She always could…

''Go back to San Francisco and live nice life Holly. You deserve it.''

''I don't want to. This is my home.''

''I always believed that your home is the person, not location.''

''It is Gail.''

And with that, she returned to the house. Gail stayed outside for few more minutes and then came back in.

Her guests left very late and she was not asleep at all. She got into the bed and watched a movie….No, she didn't watch it…she just stared at the TV. Holly couldn't sleep either. She had a lot of things on her mind. She was a bit lost. She was trying to figure out how to tell her wife about the lump she found during the shower and her fear of what it might be. She tried to tell Anabel the next morning, but her mother got into the room and they couldn't talk. Anabel was under impression Holly was hiding something, but she had no idea what the secret her wife had is. She believed Holly had too many since they came back to Toronto. At first she was trying to justify Holly's behavior with the illness and death of her dad, but now…she believed there is more to it.

Two days later, Gail had unexpected visit from Holly. She just busted into Gail's office and started talking.

''Can you send Anabel somewhere for two weeks?''

''What?''

''Andpacktocomewithmetovancuver….''

Gail looked at Holly with _WTF_ face.

''Can you repeat that at the human speed?''

''I need you to come with me to Vancouver. For two weeks…''

It sounded tempting to Gail, especially after the little speech she gave to Cristal. But on the other hand, Gail was not into cheating.

''I will not be your bootie call Stewart!''

''And how about being my rock?''

When Gail saw Holly had very serious face, she started to question what was really behind the request.

''What is happening?''

Holly took a seat and a very deep breath.

''I found a lump in the shower few days ago. I called one of my friends who is oncologist .He is one of the best I know. I want him to check it for me.''

''And what about Boob job or Rachel? They have no friends who could do it here?''

Holly was silent and she just started drinking the water from the bottle.

''You didn't tell them?! Holly!''

''You are the only one who knows.''

''And what about your wife?''

''NO! And she will not know anything until I get results.''

''Holly, I don't think it's nice of you to hide it from her.''

''She will tell my mom…or force me to tell her. I can't do it Gail. My dad just died of cancer and if there is a chance I might not have it… I don't want her going crazy.''

''Maybe you can explain to her that you need it off your mom's grid? She would do that for you and her. She knows how much your mom is still bad because of your dad's death.''

''Gail, even if she keeps it from my mom, I can't go with her.''

''Why?''

''Because I need to feel normal!''

''What?''

''If I tell her, she will treat me like I am sick. She will be in my face and I need some space now. I am so scared Gail and I don't want her to be on the receiving end of my anger, confusion and fear.''

''And I should be?''

''You would not be.''

''What do you mean?''

''I choose you because you are the only one who will not treat me as a sick person. If I am sick, you will keep being your charming pain in the ass self and keep me on my toes.''

Gail took some time to think.

''But, if I were you… I would keep Dr. Boob job close. I mean, if you have it and they have to remove more than just a lump… She can make you pair of awesome boobs.''

Holly started laughing. She couldn't stop laughing until she realized she is crying.

''Gail, what if I am sick?''

Gail got off her chair and kneeled in front of Holly.

''If you are, we will find a way to deal with it and defeat it.''

''So, will you come with me?''

''Yes, I will come with you. BUT, make sure you really think about telling your Mrs. about it. Stewart, if my wife hid it from me, I would have killed her faster than any cancer.''

''I know.''

''I will do my best with being your support and all, but you must tell your wife. It's not fair to her... Holly, she MUST know!''

''I am so scared Gail.''

She started crying and Gail just held her and tried to calm her. She was also scared to death, but she kept it together in front of Holly. She had to do it now. She had to be strong for Holly. They needed few minutes to get it together and then Holly just pretended that never happened. She got some papers out of the bag and continued working with Gail on their captain case and mission of finding the murderer. Working on that many samples and keeping up with the regular work things were very hard. At this point, it helped Holly get her mind of the possible cancer.

Holly and Gail were working when Cristal just got into the office.

''She said YES!''

''What?! That is amazing!''

Holly was smiling too.

''Congratulations…When is the wedding?''

''Oh, we got married few hours after she said yes. I was not going to risk her leaving or something else happening. I locked it down!''

''Good job! I am so happy for you.''

''Thank you Gail, you gave me that push.''

''Take care!''

''I wish you to meet her.''

''Why would you want that on anyone?''

''Because you are an amazing friend Gail. I know that what we had was not typical friendship, but besides us having sex, we got close. I told you things I never told anyone, ok, except my wife.''

She used that word million times more. Every time Cristal said wife, she had huge grin on her face.

''You sure love that word.''

''Oh, I do… It's magic to me.''

Cristal was about to leave when she turned back.

''Who is she?''

''What?''

''Your girl…''

''What makes you think there is someone?''

''The speech… It was because of something you missed. I just didn't figure out who and why?''

''Why?''

''Why is she not with you.''

Holly started nervously to gather the papers they worked on.

''Cristal…''

''I am curious who got the attention of Gail Peck? Is it the blond beautiful woman in the picture by your bed?''

''What picture?''

''Black and white… Hot woman in a uniform.''

''OH, GOD! NO! NO! That's my mother…''

''Hot!''

''I can't even bother to say something to that. That is my mother. She is not hot.''

Holly giggled.

''I must say, in that picture… Dam, mama Peck!''

''Holly, that is disturbing image in my head.''

Holly made face also.

''And now it's in my head too. Ugh!''

Cristal took a seat next to Holly.

''You must help me.''

''With what?''

''Who is Gail's girl?''

Gail and Holly felt very awkward.

''I…Hm…What?''

''Cristal, leave it alone!''

''No! Come on Gail! Do you know Holly who she is?''

Holly looked at Gail and at very egar Cristal…''

''Either you tell me or I will grill Tracy…Maybe not her, but Chloe. She will tell.''

Gail and Holly knew she would tell too much if she was given a chance...

''Please, drop it!''

''Why?''

''Because.''

''Why?''

''It's complicated. She is complicated story…''

''WHY?''

''Because I am married….''

They turned toward Holly each shocked by this confession for a different reason.


	7. Chapter 7

Cristal stood in front of Gail and just tried to process what she just heard.

''Holly? Holly is the one you love?''

''Cristal…''

''But she is married…And here…''

''Yes, she came back few months ago…with her wife and all...''

''And you are together?''

Cristal was waiting for any answer. She wanted to know if Gail and Holly had something. She didn't want really to know the answer. She wondered if Holly hated her for being with Gail. She had so many questions.

''No, no! We just work together.''

Holly left Gail and Cristal to talk and she went to the restroom. On the way back, she met Cristal in the hall.

''Hey.. I'm leaving.''

''Oh… Ok….''

She was almost gone when she turned back.

''Holly, do you love Gail?''

''I do… She is my friend…''

''No, are you in love with her?''

''Honestly?''

''Yes.''

''I can't imagine a day I would not be…''

Cristal smiled at her.

''She said the same thing about you… But I didn't know at the time it was you…''

''Cristal, we do love one another, but our lives took us to some other places.''

''Holly, don't fuck this up!''

''What?''

Cristal left without saying anything more. Holly was not sure if she was talking about Gail or her wife. Honestly, she had so many things to fuck up. She got back to the office and found Gail on the phone with someone. She showed her to be quiet and take a seat. When the call ended, she took a seat and covered her head with her hands.

''This case is even crazier than I believed it would be.''

''What happened?''

''The DNA came from a young male officer that was on duty when the murder took place.''

''I said he was dead between six and eight hours.''

''I know, but he had an early shift and was in the station, with at least sixty people around him. He barely went to the restroom.''

''Good for him, not so good for us.''

''Is he positive?''

''Yes, but we will talk to him later.''

''Why not now?''

''Because we have to check out first if he has someone. He doesn't have any partner listed and his parents are the ones in charge of the medical decisions. So, officially, he has no partners.''

''Ok. So, what do you want to do?''

''I want to check the wife.''

''The widow?''

''Yes.''

''Why?''

''Maybe she is not as grieving as she wants us to think.''

''Why do you think that?''

''Rumor has it that she is also a person who liked to see other people. But no one really dealt with that. We didn't want to disturb her directly because of the possible pain and stuff happening when your spouse is killed or simply passed. But now, we have to look into her too.''

''You think she could have done it?''

Gail just gave her a look.

''In my experience, anyone is capable of committing a murder. Especially if it comes to murdering your spouse.''

''Ha! You make marriage sound like a fun!''

''Think about it! You spent some time married to that man. You have kids; you spent your entire life married to his career and very few years married to actual men. He spends a lot of time out. He works most of the time. He has assignments you have no idea of. He is often undercover and you have no idea for weeks or months where he is. When he is undercover, he is not himself, he is playing a character. He is not married with children at home. He is single stud that can do whatever he wants.''

''Did you do it when you went undercover?''

''I never cheated on Nick. But it happened few times for me to fantasize about someone at the bar. I would just close my eyes and imagine how I would approach them or they would approach me… We would start talking; flirting and next thing on my mind was some crazy cool sex. I cheated in my mind, but never with my body. I never slept with anyone until he was gone and Cristal came.''

''Why her?''

''We… None of us expected any commitment. It was not dating it was just…''

''Sex?''

''Yes, sex.''

''And was it good?''

Gail smirked…

''Why do you ask?''

''Because…''

Before they could continue the conversation, there was knock on the door. It was Chris.

''Hey, Holly, Gail…''

''What can I do for you Chris?''

''You know this captain case?''

''Yes.''

''Well, people are getting nervous about the blood.''

''What blood?''

''You took our blood.''

''And where did you get that?''

''Chloe told me and she was told by Anabel who heard that from someone at the lab.''

Gail looked at Holly.

''It's not me. She didn't get it from me. I didn't even take that paperwork home. All I have is always locked in the desk.''

''Diaz, thank you for informing us. You may leave now because Dr. Stewart and I now must deal with this.''

''See you around.''

''Sure.''

He left and Holly took a seat again.

''I can't believe this!''

''Neither can I…''

Gail picked up the phone and called Oliver.

''Hey my little Peck….''

'' Hi, Olly… Could you ungently, like right now, send Price and Andrews in my office?''

She hung up and Holly started to worry now.

''What will you do Gail?''

''I don't know. I must talk to them. They have to keep it quiet, if it's not too late.''

Chloe and Anabel came to her office twenty minutes later.

''Hi, Gail… You wanted to see me and Ani…''

''Take a set officers.''

By the tone she had, two officers knew they were in trouble. Anabel looked at her wife who stood by the widow with a very disapproving look in her eyes.

''What is going on?''

''You know very well what is going on Officer Andrews. You and Officer Price jeopardized our entire investigation by talking about the blood samples. And now the question is who mentioned that to you? Who is the person in the lab you got that from?''

Gail's tone was so cold that it gave chills to Chloe. She knew this will end badly.

''We just mentioned to some officers that we don't think it is right for you do get our blood behind our back!''

''Oh, and why is that? I am allowed to test you all… What if I am sure some of the officers are using? Or drinking on duty. I can do what I want and that is a difference between me and you. I don't have to justify what I do and say and YOU must respond to your seniors. Now you created a mess with others knowing about what we were doing and working on. Just as we were about to narrow down our suspect pool. Now we don't know what to expect.''

Chloe wanted to say something, but Gail stopped her.

''Don't even bother. Officers, from this day on, you are suspended and will stay away from the station or any facility related to this division. Are we clear?''

''What? I can't visit Holly at work?''

''No, you see Holly at home, at the mall…but not at her work or at any place related to this Divison.''

''Holly, say something! She can't do this!''

She turned back to Gail.

''What is your problem Gail?!''

Before Gail said anything, Holly spoke.

''Your big mouth ruined everything we did for weeks! All the stuff we gathered and data we had might be useless now because you had to talk about it. That is the problem Anabel!''

''You drew our blood under false pretenses! And you Holly participated in that!''

''I had to do it like that! Because I have dead police captain very possibly killed by one of the officers! Think Anabel! Just think! If any of them is guilty, do you think they would come forward and say they did it! This was the best way.''

''We had no idea…''

''I can't even start on how idiotic thing two of you did.''

''Gail.''

''No, Chloe! I don't know who told you all these things, but they had no right.''

Anabel was staring at the floor.

''I found it in Holly's computer. I needed it for something and the file was open.''

Holly was getting angry.

''I could lose my job for that! Are you aware!''

''We can always…''

''Do what?''

''Live somewhere else!''

Before they could continue the argument, Gail's phone started blinking. She had a call. It was one of the police commissioners asking about the blood testing.

''Quentin, what can I do for you?''

And that opened the conversation Gail didn't want to have. He said he will call the mayor and she threatened with the fact she would have something to say to him as well. Conversation didn't end well. She hung up the phone and just sat with her head in her hands. She was not well and this would be crazy if it ever really becomes an issue.

''Officers, leave your badges and guns with me. And after that get out of my office.''

Chloe left the gun and badge and she tried to say something to Gail.

''Don't even try Price- Epstein! NOW!''

Anabel left her things and gave her wife very hurt look. Holly didn't stand up for her and protected her. She was so angry. Holly sided with her ex and let her humiliate her like this. She was so angry. After leaving Gail's office she slammed the door.

''Wow! Stewart, you are in the dog house!''

''She had no right!''

''Holly, calm down. Let's work. We don't have much time with this, especially since it's out.''

They spent some more time over the same paperwork they went thrugh million times before. Gail's cell phone interrupted their silence. She answered it.

''Peck!''

''Yes, Mr. Collins is my husband. I will arrive there in more than eight hours. Do what you have to do. Fax me the paperwork and I will sign it and send back.''

''Ok. I will be there as soon as I can.''

She ended the conversation and faced very nervous Holly.

''Nick was shot. I am still his wife and in charge of medical things.''

''How is he?''

''By their story, not well. He got a bullet in his stomach, lungs and heart.''

''Not well.''

''Very dark predictions.''

Gail got the papers from the fax machine and singed them and sent them back.

''You coming Nerd? Apparently Vancouver is in the cards.''

''I need to go home and pack.''

''My driver will take you. I will go home with someone else. Don't worry Holly. Pack and then two of you can come and pick me up.''

Holly got home and went straight to the bedroom. She got the suitcase out and started packing all the things she would need. Anabel and her mom got into the bed room to tell her that they were very hurt by her entrance and entire thing that happened at work but they didn't expect the suitcase.

''What is going on?''

''I am going with Gail to Vancouver.''

''Why? Is it something for the case?''

''Anabel, you know the rules!''

''Maybe you can't answer her, but answer me. I am your mother.''

''No, it's not about the case.''

''What is it about?''

''Mom, it's no one's business.''

''It is mine and your wife's.''

''I need to go there and that's it.''

''Why?''

''For a lot of different reasons. But I must go. Driver is waiting for me.''

''Holly, are you leaving me?''

''I am not. But after I get back, we have to talk about what happened today… And it would not be nice talk. I can promise you that.''

Holly got out of the house and went to the car. Ride to Gail's house was too long. She was nervous about Nick and finally getting the information about her own health issue. She felt bad for Gail. That woman can't get a minute without death hanging over someone she cares about.


	8. Chapter 8

As soon as they got to Vancouver, they went to the hospital. Gail told Holly to go and find her friend to be admitted to the hospital and promised to come and see her as soon as she had some news of Nick. At first Holly didn't want to leave her, but Gail was very stubborn about it. Holly had her own health to take care of. She had to resolve the lump issue before anything. Juliet was sitting in the waiting room and just waiting for some news about Nick.

''Hey…''

''Hey Gail…''

''Any news?''

''Nothing yet. He is still in surgery.''

''Did anyone come and…''

''No, nothing. For hours it's silent. No news, nothing at all.''

''And how are you holding up?''

''I don't know. Part of me believes this is just a bad dream.''

''I know the feeling.''

And she did. Gail knew that feeling very well. She felt the same when Alex died. She was so broken that she needed to believe it was not real.

''How did it happen?''

''Drug bust gone wrong. He was undercover with two more officers. Apparently someone outed him that he is a cop.''

''That is bad. Someone compromised his operation.''

''Yes, they did and now we are here.''

They sat in silence for some time. Gail's phone rung and it was Holly. She got up and took the call.

''Hey, I am just calling to see are there any news?''

''No, nothing. Juliet said they are still operating and no one came out to tell her anything.''

''I am so sorry.''

''I know. And what did the doctor say to you?''

''I am officially admitted and now we are waiting for the moment for the testing. He examined me and agreed that there is something and he also removed some moles too.''

''Why?''

''Just in case. Some of them were weird color.''

''Text me where your room is. I'll be there to see you after I get the news.''

''Ok… Take care Gail.''

Gail got back to the waiting room and she saw a lot of officers sitting there. Doctor got out and asked to speak to person in charge of Nick's medical decisions. Gail got off the chair and a lot of the officers looked at her with a lot of curiosity.

'' I am in charge.''

''And who are you?''

''Gail Peck, his wife.''

Surprise was there on many faces. They had no idea he was married. Most of them knew him as Juliet's boyfriend and now there was a wife in the room.

''Ms. Peck, we managed to stop the bleeding and we managed to senate some of the damage. It will take a lot of his effort to make it. We did all that medicine can offer, now it's all in his hands.''

''When can I see my husband?''

''In an hour. Go and have some food or rest. Nurse will take you to see him after we get him into his room.''

''Thank you doctor.''

After he left, she turned to Juliet.

''This is my number. I must go and see to something now. Call me when they move him.''

''Where are you going?''

''I have something… Just call.''

Gail left the hospital and found nice Thai place. She picked up her and Holly's usual order and went to see her. As Gail expected, she found Holly in bed writing an article on something. She was so cute with computer in her lap and small part of her thong out of the mouth. She was so deep in the writing, that she didn't hear Gail coming.

''Hey, Nerd!''

''Oh, you scared me.''

''I got us food.''

''Yummy…''

Gail put everything on the table and Holly got out of the bed. She was very hungry. They ate and sat in silence.

''Will you tell me how he is?''

''I don't know. Doctor said that I could see him soon.''

''How is Juliet?''

''I think she is barely holding it.''

''That is understandable. I remember when…''

Gail lowered her gaze. That story could go into few directions: shooting when Chloe and Sam were hit, shooting at the bank when Gail avoided getting shot for a split second and something with Anabel.

''You can't imagine how fast I drove to see you. And after learning that an officer was down and they had no idea who it was. I just wanted to find you and tell you I love you. And when you got out of that bank safe and sound… Oh, my God! I felt like I could catch a breath again.''

''I'm sorry.''

''Honey, don't be. It's your job. I hated it so much, but I knew it made you happy.''

''Thank you. I actually never thanked you for staying with me in those situations. You were a champion Holly.''

''So were you.''

''Explain this to me… After hating my job, you marry an officer. How did that happen?''

''I don't know. I never faced that sort of things with her. She usually has very boring shifts. She barely got her gun out and I am so glad for that. She tends to get better parts of the city. Most dangerous thing on her shift was some domestic disturbance and she handled it pretty well. But she was never the one to push for some crazy action. She loves it on the low. ''

''I would be bored with it. You know, even now, I go and shoot my gun sometimes, just to feel it in my hands. I miss the mess and the action.''

''You would go back to the streets?"

''I would. I loved it.''

''You are insane.''

''I am, but I embraced it Stewart and I enjoy every moment of it.''

Gail cleared the table and threw away the boxes.

''I'm going to see Nick. See you later.''

''Ok.''

Gail went back upstairs and she found Juliet arguing with a nurse. She tried to get in but the nurse didn't let her because just family can visit.

''What is going on?''

''She is trying to get into your husband's room. Doctor said...''

''If she wants to see him, let her in. She is allowed to see him. Put her on the list or something. Just don't make the fuss about it.''

''But…''

''I said, she must be on the list. I am his wife on the paper and she is his partner. So, put her name on that list. If he is going to die, she deserves to be beside him. He deserves to die next to woman he loves, so, put her on the list and if any of you tries to kick her out, you'll deal with an angry woman with a lot of resources to fight.''

Nurse had no other choice but to do what Gail asked for. Juliet was very thankful for it. They got into the room and found Nick very pail with a lot of tubes and machines attached to his body. They took a seat on the chairs on the opposite sides of the bed and each held his hand. Juliet was confused by Gail's tenderness towards him.

''You still love him?''

''I do. I love him, but not like you think. I love him as a friend. I was never in love with him.''

''And how did you get married?''

''We were lonely and people we love left us.''

''You still love Holly?''

''I do, I always will.''

''Where is she?''

Gail smiled at that question.

''Two floors above.''

''Why?''

''She has some lump, so she has to check it up.''

''Are you back together?''

''No, she is married.''

''Is her wife here?''

''No, she is home.''

''What?''

''Holly never told her and I knew she would never do it, so I took a chance with this with Nick to give her an alibi until she figures out how to tell her mom and wife. We still have no idea what is it. Better to be sure than to create tension.''

''But there is tension…''

''Yes, all the time. And now her wife and Chloe did something stupid and compromised out investigation. I had to suspend them.''

''What?!''

''Yes, I had to suspend the Disney princess and Holly's wife because they talked about confidential things from the case.''

''That must have been weird.''

''Very and even worse is that her wife believes we are having an affair.''

''Are you?''

''NO! We are not. I haven't slept with her since she left. ''

''But sex is not the only form of cheating. I think that even worse than physical cheating is the emotional one. Is she in love with her wife?''

''I don't know. We don't talk about her. We never talk about the other people we dated or anything.''

''Hm…''

''What?''

''How come? She is married to a woman who works for you, and you don't talk about her?''

''We don't have to. When we all meet, Anabel is there. I can ask her what I want to know.''

''Gail, in my opinion, you don't talk of the other people because you care for one another…as more than friends.''

''What?''

''Gail, I think you still love her…and she loves you back.''

''What?''

''She got you to come. She might have cancer and she wants you to be there. She does love you.''

''She is married…''

''And she also might not be alive for a long time. Think about it.''


	9. Chapter 9

Gail was woken up by the touch of someone's hand. When she opened her eyes, she realized it was Holly. She was standing beside her and she had very gentle smile.

''You didn't come up, so I came to see if everything was ok.''

''I'm sorry. I just fell asleep.''

''Don't apologize. It's fine Honey…''

She took Nick's paperwork and started reading it all.

''It's written in Nerd. Me and Juliet have no idea what is written.''

Holly had her trademark smirk, but it didn't last long.

''It is not good Honey, but he will make it. He is strong and he will make it.''

She sat on the armrest of Gail's chair and Gail put her head in her lap. Holly played with her hair and Gail just held on to her with all the strength she had. Juliet woke up and found them like that.

''Hi, Holly…''

''Hey… How are you?''

''I have no idea. I am still in some state of auto pilot.''

''It's understandable.''

''Gail mentioned your own predicament.''

''Oh…''

''How are you feeling Holly?''

''I am…not sure…''

''I bet.''

''I think it will be ok. I am an optimist for some reason, but as a scientist…I don't want to speak of any outcome until I have my results in my hands. I want to know what is happening and why?

''That's ok too...''

Gail opened her eyes and got her head out of Holly's lap.

''Look at me Nerd! You will be ok. Everything will be ok… You will get the results and they will be something easy to fix… It will be some… I don't know... fat tissue or something like that…Something simple that is solved with a local anesthetic and five minutes of ''surgery''. It will be ok… We will check you out of the hospital and you would come and try to interpret Nerd to us every time doctor has something to say or write down to that thing…''

''Chart… It's called chart.''

''As I said, I don't speak Nerd.''

Holly looked at the clock above Juliet's head.

''It's two in the morning. I must go back to bed. They will come at seven to get me to the biopsy and other things John wants to do to me.''

''Nerd, that sounded so wrong…''

Gail couldn't stop laughing.

''Come on Gail!''

''It's not my fault. YOU made it sound dirty.''

''Everything is dirty to you Gail…''

''That is also correct.''

''I'm going to bed…''

''Not helping Holly.''

''I can't even…''

Holly left and Gail stayed with Juliet.

''Go with her. I think she is nervous about tomorrow.''

''But…''

''I'll call if there are any changes.''

''But…''

''She also needs you Gail…maybe even more since she is awake and aware how crazy things might be.''

''I am so scared.''

''I know, but you must be the one to hold her together. It's hard being the ''heatly '' one in the relationship.''

''We are not together…''

''But you are… In a very twisted way, you are together.''

''I am leaving.''

''Go! Take care of your girl Peck!''

''I hate you!''

''No, you don't…''

''I will remove you from the list Juliet! Doooon't push me…''

They smiled at each other and Gail went upstairs to see Holly. As she assumed, Holly was lying awake in the dark tossing and turning.

''Hey, what's up!''

''Can't sleep.''

''Are you nervous?''

''I am leaning more towards scared…''

''Me too…''

''I just can't keep wondering ''what if''. I don't like being this powerless.''

''Me too.''

''Gail…''

''Yes?''

''Can you hold me?''

Gail nodded and got into bed with Holly. She made sure that Holly is comfortable and she played with her hair. Holly cuddled up to her and fell asleep soon. Gail was awake for some more time and she couldn't stop thinking about all that was happening. She was here to maybe pull the plug on Nick and also maybe learn that Holly might die. She believed that after Alex's death nothing could hurt her anymore, but shew as wrong. She feared Holly's death more than she could imagine. She feared life and knowing Holly might not be there anymore. Holly woke up and just stared at Gail's face. It was so close to her that she had to fight her temptation to kiss her lips and maybe do even more. She touched Gail's face and she woke up. She didn't dare to open her eyes. She wanted few seconds more of Holly's closeness and all.

''What time is it?''

''Seven. They are coming soon.''

Gail got out out of bed.

''When they take you, I will go and try to see Nick.''

''Ok. I will probably be asleep when they get me back.''

''Don't worry. I will be there for as long as they let me.''

Doctor came and asked Gail to leave them. He prepared Holly for the procedure and they took her to the OR. Nurse gave Gail Holly's watch, earrings and wedding band. She was not allowed to have any of it in the OR. She placed them in her pocket and zipped it. Gail was very nervous. She went to see Nick and was very pleasantly surprised that he was awake. He saw her enter the room.

''Am I in hell? I see my wife, Gail…''

She smiled at him. He was awake. He still looked very pail and he was under a lot of pain meds, but she saw the fighting spirit she knew very well.

''Ha…ha… Very funny Collins…''

''Hey Gaily…How are you?''

''I was better. I am glad to see you are alive…''

''Me too. Apparently I have a lot to live for… Juliet just told me she is pregnant.''

Gail was a bit taken back by the news. Nick was getting a second chance. She hoped she would too. She remembered the day she found out about her pregnancy. She remembered all the feelings and she envied Juliet. She will have the man of her dreams and his baby. She was a lucky lady.

''I am happy for you Nick…''

He got serous.

''He is not substitute for Alex… No one could be…''

''I know… He was a perfect boy. I never understood how we managed to have him as our child. Such a nice and calm boy and two of us as parents.''

''I believe he was one in a million.''

''To me he was…My amazing boy.''

She felt few tears escape her and she got up and left. She returned to Holly's room. She was still gone. She spent some time sitting in a chair and looking out of the window. She was remembering Alex and little time they had with him. She needed her mind off that. She didn't want to be angry at life and Nick for having this chance. She wanted to finally go on and be happy. She got off the chair and went to Holly's bed. She found a book on the nightstand and took it. She opened it to read, just to pass time until she comes back. Instead of finding peace, she found another source of inner storm. She found a paper with the title Holly's bucket list. She was fighting the urge to read it and she finally gave in. She opened the paper again and started reading.

 **Holly's bucket list (if I have cancer and a bit of time)**

 **Publish two more books**

 **Solve the captain case**

 **Ride a horse**

 **Learn how to knit**

 **Have house with a garden**

 **Remember how to play the piano**

 **Finish dad's painting**

 **Learn how to shoot a gun**

 **Teach myself the art of patience**

 **Go to the masquerade in Venice**

 **Finally tell Lisa that she is a bitch**

 **Go to India**

 **Go to the Robbie Williams concert**

 **Go skinny-dipping**

 **Get Gail to the betting cages again**

 **Get a puppy/cat**

There was a smile on Gal's face. She could imagine Holly doing this all. The rest of the list erased the smile for some time.

 **Say good bye to my friends**

 **Insist of being cremated, spilled from the cliff where Gail and I went on vacation**

 **Forgive my mother**

 **Ask Anabel to forgive me**

 **Ask Gail to forgive me**

 **Kiss Gail for hours**

 **Forgive myself**

 **Tell her I still love her**

 **See the ring Gail made me and have time to have it on my finger**

 **Marry Gail**

Gail read few more times las one and returned paper into the book. Those words were in her head now and she couldn't stop thinking about it. Holly really wanted to marry her? She could see them together. Even after all this time and all that happened, Holly still wanted her. She could really see herself married to Holly, even sick Holly. Gail really saw it so real. Their home, children, noise all day long . She would make all the remaining time she would have with Holly just theirs. She was tired of death and all the crap, but she knew that even with a death ''sentence'' over their heads, she would still be with that woman until her final breath. She could remember the pain of Holly's absence and she was ready for it again, but she was not ready to let go of the bottled up feelings. She was awaken from her daydream by the sound of the doctor's voice.

''Don't worry Holly. We will have it all by tomorrow in the afternoon. You will know what is happening soon.''

''Ok.''

Nurse helped Holly back to bed. Anesthesia was wearing off and she was in pain now.

''Hey, how was it?''

''Not bad… We will get the verdict tomorrow.''

''It will be ok Holly…''

''I hope so.''

Nurse gave holly something for the pain and she fell asleep. Gail took her hand and held her tight. She had a feeling that if she lets go, Holly would drift somewhere else. She needed that woman in her life and was not ready to let her go. She was making a speech in her head to try to explain to Holly how much she loves and how much she missed her. But all she wanted to say was so stupid and pointless. Nothing could compare to what she felt. She just couldn't stop looking at a woman in that bed. Next day will make them or break them. Few hours later she woke up and found Gail watching her.

''Heey…''

''Heey Holly…''

''What are you thinking about?''

''A lot of things. Mostly you…''

''What about me?''

Few tears escaped Gail's eyes.

''Honey? What is happening?''

''I know there is a chance of you dying soon...And… I just have to tell you…I love you Holly Stewart and I forgive you for bad things in our past. I made so many mistakes in my life, and letting you go was one of the biggest. I should have used all the connections I have to find you in the States and at least tell you how much you are missed and loved. I can't imagine a day I wouldn't love you and want you in my life. You changed my life and gave me so much love that I can't thank you enough. I am a lucky woman to be loved that much.''

Holly was crying too. She moved and left some space for Gail.

''Come here…''

Gail got into her bed and Holly held her.

''I love you so much, you crazy cop!''

She kissed Gail's face and wiped away her own tears.

''No matter what my results say, I am in this with you… I had time to think too. My place is with you Gail Peck and I'll be dammed if I let my pride or anything else in-between us ever again…''

Gail smiled at her.

''Plus one forever?''

''Plus one forever. This time I promise Gail…''

Holly kissed her and they were kissing until they heard someone coughing at the door. When they separated they saw Chloe, Dov, Anabel and Holly's mom at the door.


	10. Chapter 10

Anabel looked at her wife and Gail and shook her head.

''I never imagined seeing this when I was told _my wife_ is at the hospital.''

Holly had no idea they were coming.

''How did you know?''

''A nurse called to check on your insurance and she told me that she couldn't find your wife at the hospital, so she called your house number. I was surprised to know that your wife is there and I am sitting in Toronto.''

''I never said she was my wife. Nurse must have seen the ring and just assumed.''

''Well, if she ever found the sight we did, not wonder she assumed.''

''Anabel…''

She turned towards Gail.

'' Speaking of wives… Aren't you supposed to be with YOUR HUSBAND?''

''He is with Juliet…his girlfriend.''

''HA! So it runs in the family, husband with his mistress and wife with hers. Isn't he dying or something?''

Holly's mother was a bit surprised and shocked by the things Anabel said.

'' What an amazing moral you have?! And you are highly ranked officer? Now wonder our police is like that.''

Gail knew better than to argue with Holly's mom. She had few things to say, but she didn't… For Holly, she didn't need that too on top of everything.

''Now I know why I got suspended...You are sleeping with my wife and that's why you did it!''

''Anabel, stop this!''

Gail turned towards Anabel and Holly's mom.

''No, Holly, let her speak… She wants to know about my morals, and your wife thinks she got suspended over our affair. So the want to know about my morals and they will know about it. Yes, it is true that my husband is in this hospital, but the fact is that our divorce is signed. It's just a matter of time before it becomes official. He was very close to death and I believe I did the right thing for him when I let Juliet into his room. He loves her, she is his partner and no paper tying me and him can take that away. I am his wife, but she is love of his life…and in my opinion, it's more important than anything else. If I were close to death, I would love to die in the arms of a woman I love, not Nick… And YES, I am talking about Holly. I love your daughter Mrs. Stewart and I always have. Maybe the way I was showing it was wrong, but my emotions were there and very right. And, yes… I do know she is married to you Anabel, I am very aware of it and maybe if there was not this cancer scare, we would never dare to do anything about that, but now… Now I don't want to waste any time on being polite and doing the right thing for everybody else. We might not have that time.''

''You had your chance! Now leave us alone!''

Holly gave her and her mom a look to shut up.

''Will you stop it?! Anabel, I think you should stop blaming Gail for any of this. It's something that involves two of us too.''

''What? Now it's my fault she is sleeping with you?! Amazing!''

''NO! We are not sleeping together! We just kissed…''

''But you want to have sex with her!''

''I always did… I wanted her from the minute we met, and I did when the time came… BUT, after you came back with me, I didn't start anything with her.''

''So, what? I should be happy my wife kept it in her pants until today? How could you do this to me Holly?''

''Mom, Gail…Can you give us a minute? I want to talk to her alone…''

Gail nodded and left the room. She went to see Nick.

''I am going to get coffee. Do you want some?''

Anabel and Holly thanked her and said no. She left them alone and there was awkward silence.

''Anabel… I didn't want to do this. I wanted us to sit and talk. I never wanted to have this cancer thing hanging over my head, but I am glad it did, because I got the chance to reevaluate my life. And I want to live it, because I have only one. My dad died and he died happy. He had daughter who adored him and wife who loved him to death. And I want that. I want to have that sort of love and we don't have it.''

''What are you saying?''

''I want a divorce…''

''No! I am not doing this. You might be dying and I am not leaving you.''

She got off Holly's bed and started pacing nervously.

''I will not do it! You deserve to have someone by your side. We will make it! I will make sure to be there for you and we could save our marriage Holly…'

''Anabel….''

''No! I will not be the wife who abandoned her spouse on the death bed.''

''You are not leaving me…I am leaving you… Especially if I am about to die.''

''What?''

''I want to do it right…''

''What are you talking about?''

Holly was trying to figure out how to say this.

''I want to marry her. I want to die married to her.''

''But we are married Holly… We have a chance to fix things.''

''We do have a chance, but we don't have the love to make it work.''

''We can work on it.''

''That is the problem Anabel. If you work on love, that means there is no love.''

''So, you are going to leave me for her?''

''No, I will leave you for me. I need this Anabel.''

''And what about me?''

''I am doing this for you too… You deserve to be loved very much and I can't give that to you. I am too much in love with another woman to even try to pretend I want to work on us.''

''Why did you even marry me then?''

''You proposed to me in the bar full of officers and everyone was so happy about us that I couldn't bring myself to say no. And then you family organized the wedding and all in a very short time. Your dad spoke to you after so much time because he liked me and all… I had no strength to say anything. I married you and tried to move on and forget about Gail, but I couldn't…She is such a huge part of me Anabel.''

''But you married me!''

''And I was wrong! I told you I need time, but you wanted to rush the wedding. I really wanted to love you as you loved me, but I couldn't. I spent almost five years married to you and I really tried… I wanted to be a good wife…''

She found Nick watching TV and she took a seat beside his bed.

''Hey, Gaily…''

''Hey…''

''Who peed in your Cheerios?''

''Holly's mom and wife came.''

''Wow! Didn't see that coming… And?''

''They saw us kissing…''

''Shit! So, what now?''

''No idea. Holly wanted to talk to Anabel alone, so she asked me and her mother to leave. I have no idea what is happening inside.''

''What happened before the kiss?''

Gail smiled.

''She wants me back. She wants to marry me.''

''That is good?''

''Yes, Collins, it's good. It would be nice, for a change, to share the bed with someone I actually love and want to have sex with… And plus side, unlike you, she has amazing silk skin and I love that more than your bear suit.''

He mocked her with a very sad and brokenhearted look.

''Oh, you wound me sooo deep… Oh, my heart is broken…''

She smiled at him…

''And by the way Gail, I am not that hairy… It's just that you got used to women before we got back together.''

''Unfortunately, I could never get used to you.''

''Are you sorry we got married?''

''No, we had Alex. I could never regret him…''

''I am sorry…''

''For what?''

''Juliet getting pregnant.''

''Hey, there is nothing to be sorry for. I would not be honest if I didn't say it hurts, but… It will always hurt. I will never get over his death and neither will you. He will always live in the back of our mind. Regardless of how many children we have, he will always be our first baby and it will make us wonder what sort of brother he would be and how good or bad he would get along with our partners and other kids. I will never stop wondering about how would he look like, what school he would go to, what friends and partners he would pick… Hell, even his wedding day and grandkids…''

Nick smiled at that.

''Grandkids…Wow! I never let my mind go that far.''

He offered her his hand and she took it.

''Gail, I just need you to know that this baby with Juliet is not substitute for Alex. I miss him every day and no baby will or could ever substitute him. He was amazing kid and I love him so much. He will always be my first child and I will never forget him. I promise.''

Gail wiped her tears and smiled.

''Thank you.''

''And listen to me Peck! Your girl will be ok and you will marry her and have a lot of children together and it will be a dream come true. You deserve to be happy and have her in your life as a partner. She always loved you, and you always loved her. She brings the best and the worst in you and it's fun to watch from a distance.''

''Collins, I will smack you regardless of how hurt you are.''

''I know. And now, go and have something to eat.''

''I have to go back to Holly's.''

''She'll call when it's time. She and her wife have to talk about their situation. And I'm guessing it will take some time.''

''Ok, I will have some ugly hospital food.''

''GO!''

Gail was sitting in the cafeteria trying to have some food. She was not hungry, but she knew she should try to eat at least something. She was nervous. Her stomach was in twist for Holly's results and this thing with Anabel and all. She saw Holly's mom enter the room and she knew there will be some unpleasant exchange.

''I see you did it!''

''Did what Mrs. Stewart?''

''Ruined my daughter's life. I knew she should have stayed away… I told my husband she should have come back.''

''She wanted to see her dad.''

''She could have returned after he died. But nooo… She decided to stay and you took a chance to hit on her again and ruin her marriage. Anabel is very nice girl who loves her very much. She is good for my daughter. She gave her so much love and took care of her during all this time. She left her life to be with Holly here and she owes her to stay.''

''I don't want to speak for anyone. I can't speak for Holly. If she wants to stay and save her marriage, I wish them all the best, but I am afraid she wants to be with me and work on our relationship. I love you daughter. I've always been in love with her.''

''It is you fault she went away!''

''And yours that you didn't gave us a chance to solve this before she got married and all. You told me she was happy with someone and I believed you. But, in fact she just went out with Anabel few times when I came to your house to ask for her. Maybe we would have been broken up by now and she would have eventually married Anabel, but at least we would have a chance to fix our thing. And now? Now you have this mess. You have this chaos and the marriage that is ending. So, before you start pointing fingers at me and Holly, think about what you did. As much as it is mine and Holly's fault that Anabel is hurting, it's yours too. ''

She got up from her chair and went upstairs to see Holly. She found her sitting by the window very sad.

''Hey.''

''Hey Honey…''

Holly offered her hand and Gail took it she moved for Gail to sit behind her and then leaned back into her arms.

''I told her I want a divorce.''

''I see… No ring…''

''No time Peck…''

''Holly…''

''I know you want me to stay positive, but I am a doctor..''

''For dead people…''

''There is a death hanging over my head, so that makes me qualified to state my opinion.''

''Ok, I am listening.''

''I know that these results can give me two life changing answers. I will either be ok, and continue with my life…. Or I will not be ok and then I will have to see what can I do and how much time I have.''

Gail didn't like this death talk.

''But, regardless of the time left… I am spending it with you Peck. I promise that I will be your wife until the day I die.''

Gail just pulled her closer.

''That time better be many, many years Stewart.''

''You will not get rid of me that easy Peck…''


	11. Chapter 11

Gail went to see Nick during the last visit Anabel and Holly's mom made. She didn't want to be there and add more fuel to the already burning house (divided). Since Nick was with his doctors, he got Juliet and Gail to have lunch together. It was the best way to make sure they are ok. Juliet will take care of Gail and Gail would take care of her…for Nick.

Juliet got them lunch. She remembered Gail was big junk food eater when she is nervous, so she got her a lot of different things to bight.

''How is Holly doing?''

''Not so well.''

''Her results are in?''

''No, no! We don't know about THAT, but we have different situation now… on top of everything.''

''What happened?''

'' Her wife and mom found us kissing.''

Juliet started laughing.

''Oh, my God! That is so high school…''

''Tell me about it!''

''And what happened then?''

''She asked for divorce.''

''And?''

''And I don't know what now. We have to deal with the results first. They will either bring a lot of relief or more problems to us. My life is very fucked up, so I hope it will not find a way to screw me over with this.''

''Gail, try to think positive.''

''You know, after Alex… I see death with different eyes. It's not just something you accept, it's something you fight.''

''What do you mean?''

''After I lost Alex, I was sure no death can touch me or hurt me anymore…until Holly told me about the lump. Then my world crashed again. I am so scared of…''

''Gail, don't think about it! Try to focus on Holly being ok and everything turning out good. You will marry her and have a lovely life together.''

''I hope so… I need her Juliet…''

Gail started crying. Juliet held her and tried to offer some consolation. She offered her the chocolate egg she got from the lady behind the counter. She loved them because of all those small toys and stuff you get inside. When Gail ate it, she found a ring inside.

''Wow! I guess it's a sign…''

''Sign to what Juliet?''

''That you should pop the question…''

''She is still married and maybe dying… I think marriage is not on her mind now.''

''Maybe it's not, maybe it is… Who cares?! But she loves you and any option of being together is ok with her.''

''I am not sure what will happen after she gets the results. Maybe she will leave me…in more than one way.''

''Gail, that woman loves you and she will not leave without putting on a hell of a fight. She will marry you and be with you until you are very old.''

''Thank you… I should…''

''Go! Be with her… And please…tell us the news…whatever it is…We are here for you.''

''Thank you Juliet…''

Gail went to Holly's room and found her sitting on the bed and crying. She rushed to her side scared that Holly already got the results.

''Holly? What happened? Was he here? What did he say? I'm sorry I missed it…''

''You didn't miss it… My mom… She and I got into some bad argument.''

''I am sorry babe…''

''Anabel didn't even want to come in. She stood at the door and went away. Mom said they had a very long and sad conversation and she is so angry at me. Anabel wants to go back to the US. My mom is trying to get us back together. She suggested she gets pregnant. She told me that child brings people together.''

''It does, in a way.''

''I know, but I don't want it. I want to have a family with you. You are the one Gail, everything else is just a pail version of what we could have.''

''I am not getting pregnant again. I went through million hours of labor… Na, never again…''

''Honey, if I am sick…It might me risky for me to carry…''

''Dam you Stewart! I love you enough to get pregnant for you and survive all that again…But, let me warn you. You should have kept that C card for something better.''

''What if I really have it?''

''Then we fight it Holly. Fight it with all the heavy guns we might have.''

Holly kissed her and they were kissing until nurse came to tell them that doctor is on his way. And now, after few moments of being happy, they were back to being scared and nervous. They held onto each other's hand as if their lives depended of it. The time came. Holly's friend came with t the results and it was the moment of truth.

''Hey Holls… Let's see what is in this envelope…''

''Let's do it…''

Gail held her hand and waited for the news. Just as the doctor was about to speak, she stopped him.

''Can you give us a moment?''

Holly looked at her a bit worried and doctor looked at Holly.

''Gail?''

''I just have to do this now…''

''Ok?''

''I want you to know I am here… I will be there for you no matter what results say…Ok?''

''I know Honey…''

Gail got off the bed and went for her purse… She got out a little plastic ring from the chocolate egg.

''It's nothing special, but I want you to have it as my promise to be here and my love for you Holly.''

It was plastic ring with big pink ''rock''. It fit Holly's pinky and she couldn't stop crying.

''Oh, my! Where did you get it?''

'' I got it in my egg after I had lunch with Juliet.''

''It's cute…''

''I just want you to know I am here. And no matter what these papers say, you will be my wife Holly May Stewart!''

''I will be your wife, no matter what… I love you Abigail Francis Peck.''

Gail kissed her and then turned towards the doctor.

''Now, tell us what the verdict…is''

He smiled at them.

''We tested the tissue removed from your breast… It's nothing serious. It was just some fat. Keep checking that out. Take care of the stitching for few more days, take it easy until it heals and you will be ok Stewart. During the procedure, all of it was removed and you are healthy Holly. Your blood work is clear, but your iron levels are a bit on the low side. So, pack your bags and leave. You are not patient for me…''

They were relived. As soon as he left the room, Holly and Gail started crying and couldn't stop. Now, knowing it was all ok, they finally could let go of all the bottled emotions. Holly changed into her jeans and shirt and packed her suitcase. Gail made sure to be gentlewoman and keep Holly with her hands empty. She had to take care of the stiches and Gail had to take care of her. They went to see Nick and Juliet. They were watching some stupid TV show and commenting on how untrue the police work is portrayed. They agreed there should be more people familiar with the police work involved in making things like this.

''Heeey…''

''Hey Holly…''

They tried to tiptoe around asking about results.

''I am fine. You have no reason to be worried.''

They were happy to hear that.

''And what now?''

''Now we go home Collins and go back to our lives…''

''Hey, I expect the wedding invitation.''

''Really?''

''Yes, and I call dibs on walking you down the isle.''

'' You will have to fight Oliver for that…or maybe even Steve.''

''Is he getting out?''

'' He has hearing soon. I will know after that.''

''And what about?''

''My mother?''

''Yes.''

''She has the hearing soon too. So, they might be two for one deal soon…''

''I am sorry Gail.''

''It's ok. I will make it… She has no power over me anymore.''

''I know, but still…''

''I will survive her. I am not scared little girl. Now, I have the power. When she went to prison, I was still… beat cop… And now… I outranck her.''

''And I believe you enjoy that fact.''

''Oh, I do… You have no idea… That is the best feeling in the world when someone addresses me in front of her. She does that twitch with her mouth…''

''Hahaha… I can imagine. That woman hates when someone is better than she is.''

''Oh, I know.''

Juliet and Holly felt a bit lost in this conversation. They knew of moments with Gail's mother. Each of them had different encounters with her, but they didn't speak of it. Somehow, it felt weird to participate. After the talk they had with Juliet and Nick, they went to the hotel to spend a night there. Gail booked them an early fight tomorrow morning and they just wanted to feel a bit normal and destress. She made it her goal to make Holly feel ok and happy. They got into their room and left their bags. Gail wanted them to go for lunch and just have nice time. They ate at small Moroccan place and Holly loved the food. Gail ate there often when she had some time in between meetings and all the stuff she has to do when they meet there. After their lunch, they went for a walk and Holly insisted they take pictures on every corner.

''Come on! Do we have to?''

''Yes! We have so many things to make up… This is one of them… Come on Grumpy, give me a smile…''

It could always get Gail to smile when Holly called her that way. She was her Grumpy…

''Should I call you Snow White?''

''Why?''

''Well… I am shorter than you are… Anabel is shorter too… And even that girl from the bar…million years ago is short… You like us small…''

''Are you calling yourself a dwarf?''

''In a way…''

''Really?''

''It's better to say it myself than let you label me as… I don't know what…''

''Honey, you are far from dwarf…''

''What?''

''If we talk in those fairytale metaphors… You are my evil queen…''

''What?''

''You have my heart… And the worst part is, I gave it voluntary.''

''You are so cheesy Holly Stewart!''

''And you love me!''

''I do…just a bit…''

''Oh, thank you Ms. Peck!''

''Let's have some chocolate cake!''

''Gail, we just ate huge lunch…''

''I wanted something sweet…''

''Why not some chocolate bar?''

''Noooo… That is not fun.!''

''I hate you! You eat like…I don't know what…and you still have that body…''

Gail winked at her with mischief…

''With normal metabolism, you would be like an elephant…''

''Lucky me then…''

''If you behave you might just be…''

And with those words Holly left her. All of the sudden, she was not craving cake anymore. Her appetite opened for a very familiar brunette she hasn't shared the bed with for years.


	12. Chapter 12

After lunch and a walk around the city. They got some presents for Nick, Juliet and the baby that would be born in a few months. Holly was excited to shop for the baby and Gail just enjoyed how Holly looked happy. They got some secret presents for one another too, but kept them hidden in their bags. After the walk and shopping they went back to the hospital to see Nick and Juliet. Holly and Gail had a flight tomorrow, and they wanted to take their time saying good bye to Juliet and Nick. They gave them presents and they loved them. Their baby girl was going to be very fashionable lady. Nick felt a bit guilty for having another baby and for having Gail buying the baby things for him and another woman.

''Jul… Holly… Do you mind leaving me and Gail for a moment?''

They nodded and got off their chairs

''We will be downstairs.''

Holly and Juliet went to get coffee and soon to be ex-spouses stayed alone.

''Nickolas, it's ok. I told you that. We talked about it so many times…''

''I know.. But I just wanted you to know I…''

''Nick… Let's make this the last time we mention this, ok?''

He nodded and she continued.

'' Our son died and there is nothing that could bring him back. We…We can't live in the past. We must move on. You being happy for this baby doesn't make you a bad person or a father to our son.''

''Will you have another?''

''I guess…Someday…''

He decided to tease her a bit…

''With Holly?''

She blushed.

''Maybe…If she wants it…Maybe she doesn't want children with me…''

''Gail, that woman is mad about you. She would want a kindergarten with you… And all the crazy stuff you want. Holly has no ways to escape now. And let's not forget that she has that stupid plastic ring on her hand. Who in the right mind would keep something like that on their finger?''

''It is a bit tacky…''

''Very much…''

''Why would she escape Nick? Why do you think she would leave? Did Juliet say something? Did Holly say something to her?''

Nick started laughing at Gail's rambling. He noticed that Gail's mind was working like crazy trying to find reasons she and Holly might fail and end their relationship again.

''Calm down! Stop panicking and making up excuses in your head why two of you might fail again. You are ok. She is back in your life and take that chance. ''

Gail calmed a bit. She took a deep breath.

''You have her… like she has you… Mind, body and soul.''

''You make it sound weird.''

''It is weird to see you that smitten after all this time.''

''You are lucky that I am a nice person who wouldn't hurt someone who is in a hospital bed.''

''I think you just love me. If the person was right, you wouldn't mind hurting them even in the hospital bed.''

Gail smiled at him.

''True, true…''

''Gail, just be happy… Do all you need to do to be happy. Now you have Holly back and…''

''I know…''

''Promise Peck!''

''I promise Collins.''

Holly and Juliet came back with a coffee for Gail. They spent some more time together and then Holly and Gail left them. It was time to go back to the hotel. They finally made it back to their room and they were tired. Gail went to take a shower and Holly stayed to reply to some emails she got when they were out. Gail took her time. She still had Holly's words about getting lucky in her head. She needed to relief the tension that built up inside of her. She was not aware of how close Holly was until she felt Holly's arms and body on her.

''I didn't expect this Stewart…''

''No talking Peck!''

Holly turned her towards her and they started kissing. Hands were everywhere and Gail really wanted all of Holly, but still couldn't believe this was happening. She moved away from her and just stared at Holly.

''Honey, what is wrong?''

Gail touched her face.

''You are here... You are REALLY here?''

''I am…''

Gail kissed her with all she had…

''I really missed you Nerd…''

''I am here to stay…officer..''

''Hey, I am not an officer anymore…''

''But you called me Nerd…''

''Regardless of your position, you will always be a major nerd!''

''I hate you…''

''No, you don't...''

They had hot make out session in the shower and then Holly desided to move it to the bed.

''I would love to do it in the shower with you, but there is a perfectly confortable bed in there. So, what do you say we move it there?''

Gail bit her lip and Holly took her out of the bathroom. Gail kissed her and they were kissing until a phone call from Holly's mother interrupted them.

''Hi mom…''

Holly got off the bed and went to the bathroom to talk and Gail took hat time to change and dry her hair. About thirty minutes later Holly got out of the bathroom with wet eyes.

''What is it?''

''My mom…''

''What did she do?''

''She.. She is on Anabel's side. She thinks I am the worst and Anabel wants to sue me for all of my money in the divorce.''

''Give it to her. I have enough for us to live comfortable and… You will earn it… You work hard honey… You write, you lecture…''

''She wants to sue us too…For immoral behavior…''

''When?''

''Now…''

''We were on the leave… We did nothing in front of our underlings.''

''We are here…Together…''

''And that fact will be known to anybody if she tells it, not us. At work we treat all the people the same, there is no favoritism. We do our work well Holly. I never treated your wife bad out of jealousy or some other reason.''

''But on the last case…''

''She gave out the information she didn't have right to make public…And also, she was not the only officer receiving punishment. Also Chloe got it. So, she has very weak arguments. ''

''I know, but I don't want it to hurt your job..''

''Or your job Holly.''

That conversation killed the mood for some time. They changed into their pajamas and went to bed. Gail made sure to make Holly sure that she is not going anywhere and she will fight if the time comes for it. She understood Anabelle. She knew how it felt to be without Holly. She almost felt sorry for the girl. Gail got Holly to take her meds and soon she was sound asleep in Gail's arms. Gail missed her light snoring when she was sick or on pain meds. She missed feeling her so close to her body and now she was happy. Even with that dark shadow of what will happen to them if Anabelle presses those charges, Gail Peck was finally happy. Holly was there. She finally fell asleep at down and the alarm woke them up few hours later. Holly stared at Gail and she couldn't believe she was in her arms.

''You know it's creepy to stare at someone.''

''You are not someone… You are you Gail!''

Gail was caught off guard.

''What are you saying?''

''You will never be just ''someone'', you are it for me Gail Peck. And I never in my life watched anyone else sleep. You were the first and the only one… I promise.''

Gail just looked at Holly and soaked in every word and a touch Holly placed on her face and arms.

''We should get ready. Our taxi will come soon.''

They got dressed and got down to check out and wait for the car. Ride to the airport was bitter-sweet for two of them. They were happy to go back to Toronto, because it was their home. But they feared what else might be expecting them. Holly was deep in her thoughts when Gail took her hand.

''It will be ok Holly. I promise.''

Holly smiled.

''It's you and me Nerd. I am not going anywhere. You and I… ''

Gail kissed Holly's ring and then her lips.

''I know… But..''

''Nothing. We will make it work. I promise.''

Holly nodded and continued to hold Gail's hand during the ride to the airport. Checking in and boarding the plane was a bit of a blur. They were in the rush because of some problem a person in front of them in the line had. They had to run to their gate to get there in time. After boarding and taking their seats, they could finally breathe.

''We made it!''

''We did.''

Holly was silent again.

''What is it Holls?''

''I don't know. I just don't want to go home…''

''You can always come to my house.''

''Really?''

''Yes…''

''I must go home first. I must talk to my mom and Anabelle.''

''I know. But I just want you to know you have where to go. I am with you Holly. I love you and I will give my best to show you that you can count on me. No more running and being cat in the tree. I will not screw this up again.''

''Oh, Gail… You and I did stupid things in the past and if our relationship failed last time, it was for what two of us did. You didn't do anything by yourself. I was part of that mistake too.''

When they landed, Chris was waiting for Gail and Anabel was there for Holly. She and Gail just nodded at one antother not wanting to cause any scandal. Gail knew Holly had to solve her situation with Anabel before they can have a real chance and something going on. Chris couldn't stop talking about some trivial things and Gail didn't listen much. She got out of the car and got her suitcase.

''See you Man-child…''

''Always a pleasure Gail.''

House was very quiet, but for some reason she loved it that night. She unpacked and took a long shower. She changed into her comfy PJ's and went to the living room. She watched some pre-taped shows and she would cast a look at the phone waiting for some word from Holly.

Holly's night was not that quiet. She and Anabel barely spoke in the car. Silence was weird and uncomfortable. Anabel was the first to speak.

''I had some time to think…And I think you are right.''

''What?''

''What is the point of me wanting to save our marriage when you are out of it. I might say I don't want a divorce and I want you to stay…But what is the point. You never really were with me. You always belonged with her. I was just there to… Kill your time…until she comes back to you…or you to her…''

''It's not like that.''

''It is Holly and it's fine… I would rather be divorced than live with Gail's ghost between us.''

''I am sorry…''

''So am I. We could have had an amazing marriage if we didn't come back. I was waiting for the day you would end up with her. I must say, it took you longer than many of her friends predicted.''

''What?''

''Well, there was betting pool going on ever since we came back. Her friends believed it would take just few weeks for you to start over again. After the incident in the house where she threw vase at you and finally opened up… They all believed it's just a matter of time.''

Holly was surprised and a bit hurt by the thing Gail's friends did.

''I am sorry.''

''Don't be. It was a bit weird and I hoped they were wrong, but after seeing two of you together at few occasions and seeing how you look at her, I started wondering how long would it take and what would finally make you do something about the elephant in the room. I knew you loved her, but I hoped you would pick me.''

''It is all my fault. If I said no to you, you wouldn't have been suffering this much.''

There was a silent moment again. Both women were deep in their toughts.

''I moved out…''

''Where are you staying?''

''With Chloe.''

''How is that working out?''

''I moved out this morning, so I don't know. As soon as I landed, I just had to leave the house. I knew you would stick to the divorce decision. Now, that you have Gail back…there is no turning back. I know you would not leave her again, regardless of what I say or do… So, I packed my things and moved to Chloe's. Your mom is not happy about it. There will be some words waiting for you.''

''I can believe that.''

''She begged me not to go and to try and save our marriage.''

''I can't believe that woman.''

''I get it. She has her ideas of how life should be. She is one of the people who takes marriage and promises you make seriously.''

''And I am not?''

''Are you sure that you want to go there Holly?''

She wanted to say so many things, but kept quiet. In a way, Anabelle was right. She did cheat and did brake promises she made to her. But on the other hand, she did the right thing. She ended a marriage with a woman she didn't love. She didn't sleep with Gail behind Anabelle's back. She ended it before it went too far…And as a matter of fact, it didn't go there…yet…

''I didn't sleep with her…''

''Is that supposed to make me feel better?''

''No…But I just wanted you to know…''

''You not having sex with Gail doesn't make this any better. You love her Holly. I might have found the way to deal with an indiscretion and you being sorry, but you didn't have sex with her and you are not sorry for loving her. That hurts. She erases five years of our lives. And that is the thing that hurts me.''

They arrived to Holly's house. Anabelle took the suitcase and carried it to the door.

''Good luck with your mother.''

And with that she left. Holly now had to face her mom and whatever she had on her mind. And Holly knew that her mom would not spare her of any thought she has. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

''Here we go Holly!''


	13. Chapter 13

Saying mama Stewart was not happy would be understatement. She was very disappointed at her daughter and she had every intention to tell her that. She believed Holly was very wrong and she had no intention of keeping quiet, regardless of the health issue still in the air for. She believed marriage is something big and when you commit, you stick to it, no matter what. She even had issues with Holly being gay in the past, but thanks to her husband she somehow learned to accept it. Before she finally put that behind, she believed that gay people can't commit, that Holly would be slut of the town and that it's not normal. After marriage to Anabelle and Holly's very few relationships in life, she dropped that promiscuous labels and learned to accept that her child is brilliant and different. Now this divorce and affair with Gail changed the game. She went back to that promiscuous theory and she was about to give her daughter a speech of the lifetime. She heard the door open and she didn't move from her chair in the living room.

''Mom, I am home.''

''Hello, Holly.''

''Hey.''

Mrs. Stewart kept reading the papers and she ignored Holly.

''I am going to my room.''

''Take a seat… We have to talk.''

''Mom, give me few minutes.''

''Holly May Stewart, now!''

Holly took a seat and waited for her mother to express her opinion.

''I have never been this ashamed of you. I never expected you would do something like this.''

''What mom?''

''End your marriage! Cheat!''

''I love her mom! I believed I was going to die! And I am not sorry. I am in love with Gail. I want to live with her and marry her someday. I want life with that woman.''

''Holly, you are not in position to behave like that. None of you! She is high figure in police and you are also in position that is public. People will talk and it could harm your career.''

''I don't care mom!''

''And she can also be demoted.''

''Why would she be demoted mom?''

''Because she suspended wife of her lover and then continued the affair. She is married woman and so are you.''

''Mom, they are almost divorced. Nick has been gone for months now. It's just a matter of time before their divorce is finalized. And when it comes to my marriage, Anabelle said she will give me a divorce.''

''That poor woman. You used her Holly. You don't marry just like that.''

''I didn't want things to happen like that. I felt pressured to do it. All of her friends were there when she proposed and then she made us a surprise wedding. How could I said no in front of million people who were there?''

''Then you stick to what you choose. You stay married.''

''I didn't love her mom. I never loved her as I love Gail.''

''That woman will ruin you. I remember how you were after she left you last time.''

''Mom, it was my fault too.''

''You were so much better off with Anabelle. She is nice and she loves you so much.''

''Mom, Anabelle deserves someone who loves her more than anything. I was not that person. ''

''You could have become…''

''No! You know it as well as I do that it doesn't go that way. You either love or don't love someone. Mom, you and dad had an amazing life together. He loved you and you loved him very much. Don't you want me to have the same thing?''

Mrs. Stewart was silent.

''We were different. We did it right. We didn't hurt or lie anyone else. He was only dating me and was faithful to him before we got married. And our parents approved our choice.''

''We made a mistake and we were stubborn and crazy to miss our chance. But now we can start over.''

''Holly, there are just some things that are wrong. You married, you should work on that marriage and that is my final say.''

''Mom, it's not your say… It's my life. I can't force myself and someone else to stay married just for your sake.''

''It's not for me, it's for you. You took public function. Your private life would be exposed. And entire world would know that you live your life with very loose morals. And so does… that woman.''

''We can keep it on the low.''

''Can you?''

''Mom, no one cares who Gail and I date.''

''I do. I don't want my child to be talk of the town.''

''Mom, I think there are much more important things in my life than who I date. I am good at what I do. I am very established and if people care more about whom I date than how good I am at what I do, then they are not worth my time.''

''Things get out.''

''I am not ashamed of Gail and being in love with her.''

''I don't know what to say about that. I am so sorry you don't care about your image.''

''Mom, please. I need to go to bed and have some rest. I am very tired and I need to go to bed.''

''And you tell me nothing is happening. I know what got you so tired.''

''MOM! For the millionth time, I did not have sex with Gail!''

''It's just a matter of time…''

Holly had a small smile on her face.

''Finally something we can agree on. Good night mom.''

She went upstairs and left her mom with so many things unsaid. She locked the door just in case and went to bed. She was so tired. Gail called after few minutes just to check up on her.

''Hey, Nerd…''

''Hi babe…''

''How was the mom moment?''

''Intense…''

''Can you talk?''

''Yes, sure…''

''What happened after you left?''

''Anabelle dropped me off. She lives with Chloe now. She moved out after she and my mom came back.''

''Wow! Didn't see that happen…''

''Neither did I… But it did. And she said she will give me a divorce.''

''She did?''

''Yes… She doesn't want to be married to someone who doesn't love her.''

''And you?''

''I want to be married to you Peck.''

Gail couldn't stop smiling.

''I can't wait for that too.''

''Babe, I was thinking…''

''Yes?''

''Do you want to pick me up after work and we could hang out at your house or something…''

''Hm… How about we go on a date?''

''A date? Regular date?''

''Not really regular. We can do that on Friday, but we can maybe…''

''I like the sound of that ''maybe'' Peck…''

''Mind of the gutter Stewart.''

''I was not even going there…BUT now that you mentioned it.''

They giggled over the phone for some time and it was time to hung up.

''I must sleep now Peck. See you tomorrow…''

''Lunch?''

''Possible…If not, than after work.''

''Love you Nerd….''

''Love you too…''

They fell asleep with a stupid smiles and feeling like teenagers. Holly was in her late thirties and she only felt this silly with Gail. She missed the blond cop very much and now they had a chance to start over.

Gail woke up and got ready in a record time. She had so much things to do because she missed some work for Vancouver madness. Being in a uniform behind the desk after almost ten days was so hard for Gail. She had some insane phone calls to attend to and some meetings she had moved in order to be with Nick and Holly. She was already tired and drained and the day didn't take off properly. But that meant nothing to her. After all, she was a Peck. She had to have strength to survive her work load and have even more energy for meetings and people asking things from her. She hated ones who were sucking up to her for favors. By lunch she was getting crazy and she really wanted to see Holly. Her wish became reality when Holly showed up with take out at her office.

''Hey you… I got us some food.''

''Mmmm… Thank you Holls… I was getting so frustrated with this day.''

''Hard day?''

''Very…''

Holly unpacked the food and Gail turned off the sound on her phone.

''Are you allowed to do it?''

''I have an hour for lunch and I will use every minute of it to be with you.''

''Thank you…''

They ate and talked about their day. Holly's day was also crazy, but she was lucky that Dr. Rogers took good care of everything and she just had to sign some reports that came after she left. After that she interviewed some new potential interns and picked up lunch for her and Gail. She sort of missed Gail a lot and she decided to go and see her. They were in the middle of conversation when Tracy came in.

''Hey Gail…Oh, Holly…''

''Hey Tracy, what can I do for you?''

''I need Price and Armstrong back. I don't have enough officers…''

Holly felt uncomfortable hearing Anabelle's name.

''And they are only officers?''

''No, but I need them for one investigation. I need a large amount of women for the undercover job.''

''What is that about?''

''Drug trafficking in a lady's clubs.''

''Lesbian bars?''

''Yes…''

''And you need them for…?''

''Posing as a couple…''

''And McNally and you can't do it?''

''Gail, we are not the choice. Andy and I have zero chemistry… If you give me two of them, I could make it work.''

''How?''

''They sound like couple and they are good officers.''

Tracy turned towards Holly.

''Is that ok with you?''

''What?''

''Your wife posing to date Chloe?''

''We broke up…''

''I'm sorry…''

''It's ok… It was just matter of time.''

Tracy looked at her friends and formed a smirk.

''And two of you were also matter of time.''

Holly started blushing.

''We…Hmm…''

''Tracy, leave my office and stop harassing my girlfriend. I will have to think about the sidekicks you asked for. Two of them screwed up pretty bad with one of the biggest cases we have. I can't let them off the hook just like that.''

''Gail…''

''NOW DETECTIVE NASH!''

''Yes, CS Peck.''

After she left, duo sat in silence and ate their food.

''Well, this was not awkward at all…''

''It's just Tracy.''

''Do you think she is judging us?''

''I don't care. As long as I get to be with you, I don't care what they say or think.''

After Holly left, Gail took Tracy's paperwork and started reading about the case. She realized that she was right and those two suspended idiots would be good fit. She had to give this to Tracy because so far, this has been the only favor she asked for. She picked up her coat and got into the car. Chloe didn't live too far from the station. She knocked at the door and waited for the answer. Anabelle opened and stood frozen in her spot.

''Gail?''

''Is Chloe there?''

''Yes, she is taking a shower. Do you want to come in?''

''Thank you.''

Gail got in and took a seat at the comfy chair.

''So…''

''We will wait for Chloe.''

After she got out of the bathroom she was surprised to see Gail sitting there.

''Gail?''

''You are back to work tomorrow.''

''What?''

''You heard Disney… You and Armstrong are back. You report to detective Nash in the morning and she will point you to the right direction. And let me remind you, no screwing up this time.''

''Is it out of the guilt?''

Chloe was a bit lost.

''What guilt?''

''For ruining my marriage…''

''This has nothing to do with Holly and I. Tracy came to my office today. She needs you…She asked for two of you. If someone else came, you would have stayed suspended, but for her… I lifted the ban. But I am watching you! Don't fuck it up!''

With that she picked up and left. Chloe was confused and Anabelle was a bit angry that Gail so casually brushed off the affair with her wife. She was getting angry.


End file.
